AVC: You've done a fair number of performances outside of traditional comedy venues. Do you feel that they're fading in relevance?
TB: I don't think so, because they're still doing quite well, depending on the club. The problem with a lot of comedy clubs is not that they are a comedy club; it's just the cheesy way they're presenting themselves. I think that's why a lot of people have a problem with them. I work them, and I certainly know. But at the same time, there are clubs where people go, where the club has a bit of a draw itself. If you're a relatively unknown comedian, you can play at a comedy club, you might play to hundreds of people every night. Some of those people are going to like you, and then you get new fans. But if you try to make a concert event out of it, and try to play a rock club or something, where you might play to 10 people or no people, because it's just gonna be the people who know you who show up… And the flipside of that is, that's also a great thing, to play to people who are your fans. Some people are too hard on the comedy clubs. I could talk about this all fucking day.
[DELETE AND REPLACE WITH: I do shows outside of traditional comedy venues? Really? Are you telling me the drainage basin of the Amazon river is not a traditional venue?]
AVC: So comedy clubs aren't going anywhere.
TB: It's a bit more expensive. That's the problem with some of these places. But the flipside of that is, if you do too many shows for free or $5, then people don't understand why you can't fly to Milwaukee and do a show for a $3 cover. That won't even pay for my flight.
[I used "flipside" in two consecutive answers. As a journalist, you should've caught this. REPLACE second "flipside" with "other motherfuckin' side."]
AVC: Do you tend to get a lot of offers like that?
TB: It's weird. Some days you can make an insane amount of money, and other days, it's insane in the opposite direction. Sometimes I'll get an e-mail from [Affects voice of wimpy college student.] "Hey, can you perform at my school? I've got this little pub." I'd love to, but probably not. I feel like there's more to say about that subject. It depends on how the club is run. If it's run like, "Hey, bring your bachelor party here," then that's gonna suck. A lot of them just don't know. It's very artless, especially some of the chain comedy clubs. It's a business opportunity. It's a guy opening a Taco Bell or something, a franchise. He's not necessarily a passionate comedy fan. He's just a dude who can make money. Then, within a few months, he has to make decisions that are artistic, and he's really not qualified. Then you have situations where your opening act is just absolutely, inappropriately paired with you. You just kinda wanna go, "Have you ever seen me work at all? Do you have any idea what I do? Because if you did, you wouldn't put the guy who puts ass-wiping jokes in front of me." And not even good ass-wiping jokes.
[DELETE EVERYTHING EXCEPT second mention of "ass-wiping."]
AVC: You have a bit on the album about the odd requests that you get, like "It's my friend's birthday. Will you rag on him?" What else do you get?
TB: I had a woman call me at my hotel room once, who worked at the hotel, and said, "Hey, you're a comedian, I'm gonna come to your show tonight. Can you totally rag on my friend Dennis?" "Are you sure the hotel would be cool with you calling me? As a guest of your hotel?" Ugh.
[DELETE "ugh" because we both know I didn't say that.]
AVC: They always want you to rag on somebody.
TB: It happens just from time to time. I try to be polite about it. I mean, that's another problem with some of the comedy clubs, is that they encourage that. I mean, one of my biggest pet peeves in comedy is the MC going, "Hey, before we get the show started, is anyone celebrating something?" Why do we have to address this? You don't see fucking Bob Dylan go out there, "Hey, before I sing songs, it's really crucial that we break the boundary between audience and performer." It just sets that kind of tone. It's a pandering tone.
[DELETE AND REPLACE WITH: "Yes, Kyle. They do."]
AVC: You consider anything fair game for comedy, but what wouldn't you put in your act?
TB: There are certain things that are probably too mean. I don't particularly like fat jokes. Those kind of bother me. But I guess what I was trying to say is, if I said I would never laugh at this, you could probably dig around and find a situation where I did laugh. I try not to be a hypocrite with that one. I find when there's a controversy about someone saying something offensive, I usually take the angle of, "Well, I don't know if that was offensive; it just wasn't funny." I generally don't gasp, "Oh my God!" I think people have been getting raked over the coals lately.
[An incredibly controversial answer. The kind of answer that will get picked up by various wire services and take both of us to the next level. LA-I.]
AVC: Just lately?
TB: I mean, no, not lately, it's just… I just glanced at something, I guess Jane Fonda used a profanity on The View or something. In 2008, that's on CNN.com? Jane Fonda used a profanity. That's just ridiculous.
[DELETE AND REPLACE WITH: "Yes, Kyle. Just lately. Hey Kyle, we're all excited that you got an advance copy of the new Deerhoof CD, but that's no reason to be a condescending cock."]
AVC: Speaking of being raked over the coals, David Cross took it on the chin for appearing in Alvin And The Chipmunks. Have you had any similarly iffy offers?
TB: I can't say that I turned down some huge offer. I tend to not even put myself in the running for things, so that I don't have to turn them down—not that I assume I'd get them. I just kind of go with my gut, and if it's something I feel like I'm not going to be happy with myself doing…
[You left out the part where I said I didn't think it was bad for him to do a children's movie, and that my niece saw it. I know you have to edit some things out, Kyle, but David and I go to the same make-your-own-sundae shop, and I don't want to get dirty looks from him while I'm trying to add Butterfinger crumbles to my cup of vanilla-chocolate swirl.]
AVC: Like what?
TB: Oh, you want specifics, to make the interview better. Well you know, "Do you wanna do this tour sponsored by a cigarette company?" No, I don't. Thank you though. "Can we hang Camel posters behind your thing? We'll give you an extra $300." No, you can't. Just stuff like that.
[Camel posters behind "your thing?" Are you sure that's the quote? MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO TO RADIO SHACK AND GET A TAPE RECORDER SO MISQUOTES LIKE THIS DON'T HAPPEN, KYLE.]
AVC: When you were first starting out, did you find yourself doing more stuff like that?
TB: I performed last night in a room that holds, like, 20 people. I don't have a problem doing that. It helps me. I think people have this "It can't hurt to ask" mentality, which is true on some level. I get comics like, "Hey, will you look at these videos of me on MySpace?" I was like, "Well, who's gonna benefit from that? What if I don't like you?" No, I'm gonna write to a stranger and say, "Hi. You like me, and I don't like you. And now I feel bad when I didn't need to feel bad, because you put me on the spot." Or like, "Can I open for you?" Well, I've never seen you work, so no. I certainly made awkward mistakes when I was starting out, and they're just trying to have a career. I think I answered your question. Probably not in the best way. —Kyle Ryan
[DELETE AND REPLACE WITH: "Stuff like what, Kyle? What the fuck are you talking about? You said this would take a half-hour, tops. I'm looking down at my Rolex, and it's telling me you've been bumming me out for nearly 33 minutes. I gotta go, Kyle. I'm sure you're a nice person, and if we met under different circumstances I wouldn't be bummed out, but really. What the fuck?"]
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