Films That Time Forgot

Treasure Of The Amazon (1985)

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Reviewed by Keith Phipps
August 6th, 2003

A river filled with diamonds? A tribe of topless female warriors tough enough to inspire fear in the manliest of men? A Nazi adventurer attempting to rebuild the Third Reich in Argentina? A sixtysomething Hollywood vet who isn't afraid to take off his shirt? Don't believe it could happen? Then just read the scrawl that opens Treasure Of The Amazon: "This story is based on actual facts that occurred in 1958 in the depths of the Amazon jungles of South America." In those depths, life is cheap, as a native guide discovers when he attempts to rob adventurer Bradford Dillman of some ill-gotten booty, and is forced to watch helplessly as Dillman takes one of his fingers in return. One-time Oscar nominee Stuart Whitman, playing a character known only as "the gringo," doesn't approve of such goings-on, but does little to stop them, having grown crusty and jaded during his time in the horrifying depths of the Amazon jungle. Meanwhile, in what might possibly be a comment on the impact of western corporations on the environment, director René Cardona Jr. introduces a group of oil prospectors by having them attempt to mow down endangered birds with a small airplane. Also lurking around the Amazon: one prospector's hard-drinking, unconvincingly Southern-accented wife (Ann Sidney), ambitious Nazi Donald Pleasence, and Sam Peckinpah stock actor Emilio "El Indio" Fernández, who oversees a tribe of women otherwise led by the oft-topless Sonia Infante. Eventually, everyone heads off in search of a legendary river of diamonds "the size of your eyes," as the villainous Pleasence plans to use them to finance some "men in Argentina." That doesn't sit well with Whitman, and after observing some ritualistic topless mud-wrestling, he sets out to stop it. Some low-budget adventures result in Dillman losing his eyes to a group of hungry crabs, Pleasence getting hung on a hook from his tongue, and Whitman becoming shirtless, alone with the oversexed Sidney, and covered in leeches. After peeling them off, Sidney and Whitman engage in a post-deleeching makeout session, but he doesn't suspect that it's all part of her scheme to steal the diamonds for herself. Or does he? As Sidney flies away, she realizes she's short of diamonds, just in time to watch Whitman snuggling up to three topless natives and shooting her an internationally recognized finger gesture.

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