Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor may be among this summer's most hotly anticipated blockbusters, but it's far from the first cinematic depiction of an enemy invasion of U.S. soil. A vision of America under fire that could only come from the mind of star and co-screenwriter Chuck Norris, Invasion U.S.A. casts the mustachioed he-man as a former CIA agent who has retired to the swamps for a quiet life of alligator-fighting, armadillo-befriending, and the occasional air-boat ride. But Norris' past soon catches up with him, and when his bazooka-crazed, vodka-swilling renegade Russian nemesis (Richard Lynch) blows up his house as a puzzling precursor to an attack on America, Norris is forced to take action. Employing the blowing-stuff-up-at-random strategy preferred by terrorists everywhere, Lynch and company slaughter their way through Norris' beloved homeland, using machine guns, bombs, and bazookas to murder doe-eyed, Christmas-loving moppets and fornicating teens alike. But Lynch makes the fatal mistake of assuming Norris dead, which leaves him unprepared for the infomercial fixture's special brand of double-fisted ultra-violence. As the Yuletide bloodshed escalates, the nation falls into disarray, unable to deal with the threat posed by several hundred swarthy hired guns with an endless supply of firearms. Following some early setbacks, the country begins to rebound, starting with Norris' defense of that most American of institutions: the mall. After preserving America's God-given right to Orange Julius products, Norris moves on to defend that second most American of institutions: church. When Jesus-hating baddies attempt to blow up a place of worship, Norris heroically intervenes, delivering a terse one-liner before killing them in one fell swoop. Later, when all seems lost, he hits upon a plan to trap Lynch and eliminate him with extreme prejudice. Norris ultimately prevails, proving once again that there's no threat to America's safety, internal or external, that can't be solved with a little ingenuity, a lot of heart, and the help of a bearded, heavily armed sociopath.
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