Virile dad Paul Sorvino and fecund, puffy-haired wife Cassandra Edwards reach a turning point after the birth of their eighth child. Tired of pregnancy and wary of other means of birth control, Edwards demands that Sorvino go under the knife. "The blood of conquerors flows through my veins," offers Sorvino by way of explanation, but his problems don't end at home. After the death of lecherous bank-president boss Lorne Greene, Sorvino must turn Greene's playboy son (Gary Raff) into a responsible adult or risk losing his job, as well as find a mysterious Baltimore woman he asked for on his death bed. For the latter task, Sorvino hires fellow Italian character actor and ace private eye Abe Vigoda, but Raff's case seems hopeless. When not lounging in bed with secretarial temps and feasting on pizza and KFC, he's wasting bank funds sponsoring a beauty contest. Meanwhile, Edwards vows to refuse Sorvino's advances until he receives a vasectomy. "Don't they know I'm Italian?! I can't do this to myself!," he exclaims, but he reluctantly agrees to the procedure. Getting him on the table, however, is a delicate matter in itself. After encountering abortion protesters en route to the hospital, Sorvino asks Edwards the difference between the two. "The difference, my Italian stallion," she replies, "is that abortion is like the umpire taking away a home run, where vasectomy is like a pick-off at third base." A parking-lot collision with irate Blacula star William Marshall further complicates the issue when Marshall turns out to be the physician in attendance, leading to a freshly shaven Sorvino's prompt exit from the operating room. A gunplay-heavy confrontation with some would-be scam artists brings matters to a head quickly, however, and after taking a bullet, Sorvino saves the bank and agrees to the vasectomy. At Raff's wedding, Greene's ghostly apparition congratulates him on doing the right thing.
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