January 20th, 1999
As a result of President Clinton's well-publicized political and legal problems, historians have begun to draw comparisons to the career of another embattled president, Richard Nixon. Few political commentators, however, have noticed the alarming parallels between Clinton and another controversial public figure: rapper and producer Kurupt The Kingpin, whose album Kuruption seems eerily prescient in light of Clinton's recent travails. To illustrate the similarities, The Onion has constructed the following chart to help readers sort through the facts connecting these three complex figures.
Bill Clinton
Occupation : Former governor of Arkansas, current U.S. president
Affiliation: Democratic Party
Shady Acquaintance: Vernon Jordan, Monica Lewinsky, Susan McDougal
Early Major Accomplishment: Became one of the youngest governors in American history when the people of Arkansas elected him at 33
Scandals: Whitewater, Monicagate, Travelgate
Low Point Of Career: Is only the second U.S. president to be impeached
Representative Quote: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman"
Richard Nixon
Occupation : Served as congressman and vice president before becoming the first president to resign from office
Affiliation: Republican Party
Shady Acquaintances: G. Gordon Liddy, Spiro Agnew, Roy Cohn
Early Major Accomplishment : Helped Joseph McCarthy conduct Communist witch hunts; helped destroy the reputation and life of suspected spy Alger Hiss
Scandals: Watergate, the Checkers incident
Low Point Of Career: Forced to resign from office in disgrace
Representative Quote: "I am not a crook"
Kurupt The Kingpin
Occupation : Rapper, producer, head of Antra Productions
Affiliation: Tha Dogg Pound
Shady Acquaintances: Suge Knight, Dat Nigga Daz (a.k.a. Daz Dillinger), Foxy Brown
Early Major Accomplishment : Contributed to Dr. Dre's The Chronic
Scandals: Known to have messed around with some scandalous hos; has kicked scandalously funky verses; vanity label Antra is reportedly awash in financial and artistic Kuruption
Low Point Of Career: Tha Dogg Pound's album was a critical and commercial disappointment; forced to resign from Death Row Records roster to maintain dignity
Representative Quote: "If you give me 10 bitches then I'll fuck all 10 / I see my homey Snoop Dogg drinking juice and gin"
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