Realizing that The A.V. Club needed to take a step outside our music-snob bubble, two critics were dispatched to brave the wilds of VH1's Top 20 Video Countdown, and return with a report on the state of mainstream music and the art of video-making at the dawn of 2006. Here's their report on the Friday, February 24th episode:
Noel Murray: First off, I've got to say that as much as I like Aamer Haleem as a host, his little bridging segments at Medieval Times are too PM Magazine, circa 1986. Then again, a lot of this countdown seems like a trip through a time machine. Start with Number 20 on the countdown, "Control Myself," by LL Cool J, featuring J-Lo. Aside from the fact that there are too many "L"s and "J"s in this act, it's a weird pairing because it yokes together two actor/musicians who've been around for over a decade without forging any kind of recognizable sound or style.
I bet this song sounds great at a club, where the sexy grunts and "report to the dance floor" calls get the crowd moving. As a video, though, it's pretty much a tease. It's all about celebrities pretending they're getting ready to get it on, when they probably won't even see each other again until next year's VMAs.
Keith Phipps: I really like Aamer Haleem, too. I don't know when they tape the VH1 Top 20 Video Countdown, but he always seems slightly hungover and yet able to muster up enthusiasm for wherever they're taping the show this week. Medieval Times might be his biggest challenge yet.
I think you're too hard on LL Cool J. If he'd retired or just started acting full time after Mama Said Knock You Out, he'd still be a legend. Radio is one of my all-time favorite albums, but he's entered the Van Morrison phase of his career, where the most respectful thing to do is just ignore whatever he's doing now and remember the past. I don't think he's sounded energized since Canibus prompted him to release "The Ripper Strikes Back" back in the late '90s. He needs another good feud, but really, who would bother?
Let's move on to Bon Jovi's "Who Says You Can't Go Home Again," in which the venerable rockers cavort with Jennifer Neetles of Sugarland while building Habitat For Humanity homes with professional athletes, policemen, and firefighters.
NM: That's Bon Jovi for you. Always giving back. Although I do wonder about the scene toward the end where the medicine cabinet falls off the wall. It makes it seem like if Bon Jovi helps build your house, your house will turn out kind of shitty.
By the way, here we have another artist who could've been on a video countdown 20 years ago, though not with this song, which doesn't sound very Bon Jovi-ish. It's got a melody, for one thing, and it's kind of a country song. It'll probably sound great on American Idol next year, belted out by whichever blond hayseed wanders into the wrong audition room.
Meanwhile, the Number 18 video, Prince's "Black Sweat," sounds exactly like an old Prince song. Specifically, it sounds like "Kiss." The video's even in black-and-white, à la "Kiss." It's not a bad song, but whenever I hear Prince reviving his loverman persona, I can't help but think about Spy magazine's parody of the Tina Brown-edited New Yorker, which featured a poem by Prince called "U R 6 E."
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