KP: I love Prince and I really want him to be relevant again. And I know I'm not alone: Enough fans wanted him to have a comeback that they pretended his 2004 album Musicology wasn't just another in a long line of mediocrities. (See also, from the same year, Morrissey's You Are The Quarry.) This doesn't quite do it for me, but it's the best thing I've heard from him for a while. It sounds like "Kiss," but with a little G-funk keyboard line to give it a 1993 feel. I'm afraid time has passed Prince by. But he can still vamp like nobody's business.
In the number 17 slot, it's KT Tunstall with the puzzlingly titled "Black Horse And The Cherry Tree." I'd heard good things about Tunstall, who's huge in England, but I don't get it. This song—and I know this sounds contradictory—sounds simultaneously fussed-over and stripped-down. Her smoky Melissa Etheridge-inspired vocals don't do a thing for me either. But then neither does Melissa Etheridge.
NM: I'm hearing more the folk-pop class of the late '80s: Michelle Shocked and Sinéad O'Connor, specifically. The video even reminds me of one of those cheapie early O'Connor videos, like the one for "Jump In The River" that always gave me a headache when it played on 120 Minutes. This song's not so bad, really, but I can do without the way she's being packaged. See, she's playing all the instruments. See, she's a real musician.
Meanwhile, Madonna makes no pretense of being a real anything on the 16th song on the countdown, "Sorry." This song's like "Music" redux and the video is too, with lots of '70s signifiers to go with Madonna's Farrah-hair. She may be the only Farrah-haired diva today who actually wore her hair that way the first time it was popular.
This video is really hard to take your eyes off of, probably because throughout, Madonna keeps moving her hands closer and closer to her soft bits, high and low. Will she ever reach paydirt? Does she have to fight in a cage match first? And where can I flag down one of those traveling lap-dance vans?
KP: I'm guessing they're all over London, ferrying the cool kids to back alleys where aging pop stars engage in yoga-based martial arts in cages. I like this better than "Music." It's appealing in the same way as "Hung Up," the first single from Confessions On A Dance Floor: She's pretty much given up pretense of art and social commentary and turned out some high-end Euro-disco. But is that Elvish she's speaking at the beginning and end?
I can barely bring myself to type this, but I kind of like the next song too, Jack Johnson's "Upside Down" from the Curious George soundtrack. Johnson has never stood out for me from the current pack of wuss-rockers, but this isn't bad. Maybe it's that it sounds not-at-all-overproduced, just a nice little gently strummed song for the kids. Or maybe it's just that Johnson seems genuinely sweet when he interacts with the cartoon monkey. I wouldn't seek this out, but if I had kids, I wouldn't feel bad about buying it for them.
NM: This video would be banned in China by the way, under the new rules that prohibit animated characters from interacting with live actors. I'm not kidding.
This song's fine for what it is, though it reminds me a little of Josh Rouse's "Sad Eyes," and seeing Johnson on VH1 makes me wish that Rouse could catch this kind of break. Maybe if he gets the gig scoring the Sammy The Seal movie…
Next up is Goo Goo Dolls' "Better Days," occupying one of several "we're sick of showing this video, so we're just going to show a 20-second clip" spots on the show. Which gives a chance to talk about the videos that Haleem assures us are hovering "just below the countdown," using whatever arcane procedures VH1 uses to figure these things out. This week the standouts are O.A.R., doing their level best not to sound like O.A.R., and Kanye West, pretending to be Evel Knievel. The less said about Sia, the better.
KP: That Kanye West video looks beyond awesome. Why must it hover below while Goo Goo Dolls video still hovers above? I have nothing to say about the Goo Goo Dolls, so I won't even try. That Santana video just hurts, though. Everyone accuses of Santana of coasting on the same riffs for 35 years… and they're right. There are worse things, but the addition of Steven Tyler just makes this toxic. Clearly they brought in whoever conceives Aerosmith's videos to do this one, because it's got a bunch of trademarks: A girl goes wild and attempts to put a troubled past behind her. Her dad leaves, her teacher sexually harasses her, her boyfriend dies in a car accident, but in the end, her mom gives her some attention and she returns to her studies. Maybe the message is, "Kids, stay in school or you might end up like the other woman in this video: Pouring drinks and making out with Steven Tyler."
NM: This song and video remind me of one of those Natalie Cole-style posthumous duets. It's like Santana took an old Aerosmith track and noodled all over it, then had himself digitally inserted into the video. Or maybe Santana is supposed to be the Greek Chorus, stoically insisting that whether touching is appropriate or inappropriate, we should all keep rocking on.
Not much to say about the next "also receiving votes" entry, Pussycat Dolls' "Stickwitu," except that video Number 11, Pink's "Stupid Girls," could be a comment on its list-mate. This is the best video of the countdown so far, even if the song's not all that exciting in and of itself. It's not just that Pink is sending out a positive message—that young girls should strive to be smart and athletic instead of pre-cancerous, artificially busty, and anorexic. It's that Pink calls out Paris Hilton specifically, parodying Hilton's Carl's Jr. ad, recreating Hilton's sex tape, and shopping for one of those little yappy dogs. I know Hilton's an easy target, but maybe if people hit her enough, she'll finally skulk away.
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