KP: Well, she seems pretty untouchable in this video. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I was thinking she was kind of like one of the angels in Wings Of Desire. No one seems to notice her until that guy at the end. Well, I guess the gospel choir notices her.
I just wish no one would notice the Black Eyed Peas, the act that proved, yes, you can still sell out these days. I honestly can't believe I used to look forward to albums from these guys. "Pump It" doesn't do anything to win back my affection. If anything, the video, in which the Peas do battle with various martial-arts types, seems to suggest that if you don't like the Black Eyed Peas, they will beat you up. I kept rooting for the other guys. At least Dick Dale is getting some money from the extremely unimaginatively employed sample.
NM: There's a real corporate-think aspect to "Pump It": What if Black Eyed Peas, kings of the "jock jam," recorded a song that sampled another "jock jam?" Would arenas across the country explode with pep?
And speaking of corporate-think, here's Beyoncé Knowles in at number two with the Pink Panther-related "Check On It," another Hype Williams-directed widescreen/fullscreen mash-up. It's hard to see what's going on beneath the credits, which mention the name of the song, the album, the movie, the director, the singer, the label, and her two guest rappers, Slim Thug and Bun B. It used to be that if you wanted to package together this much talent, you had to go through Mike Ovitz.
KP: I'm pro-Beyoncé, but this is bad, bad, bad. To me, Slim Thug's urbaned-up Pink Panther T-shirt says it all: No matter how street you try to make it, it's still the Pink Panther, just like this is still an extended commercial for the movie and the Beyoncé brand. The music's an afterthought, if that.
And so we reach the end of the road, numero uno, James Blunt's "You're Beautiful." I don't know exactly why, but I detest this. It's music to lose your virginity in a freshman dorm room to. (See also Dave Matthews Band's "Crash" and John Mayer's "Your Body Is A Wonderland.") It sounds sincere, but I suspect once he's had his way with me, he's going to start hitting on my roommate.
NM: This is embarrassing to admit, but I'd never heard of this guy, let alone heard this song, until I watched the VH1 Top 20 Countdown. I'm not wholly opposed to the tune, though the video strikes me as a calculated attempt at indelibility, swiping from Sinéad O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U," The Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony," Coldplay's "Yellow," etc. It's one of those "smoldering dude looks into the camera" videos. Again though, compared to the indistinct soup of forgettable faces and meaningless images that marked the last two hours, "You're Beautiful" is more likely to stick with me.
So, what have we learned, Charlie Brown? Mainly that it's time for Aamer Haleem to say goodbye to the Society For Creative Anachronism and get back to finding out whatever happened to The Blow Monkeys. Beyond that, I hesitate to use one week's worth of VH1 favorites as a gauge of anything. I don't expect the best of modern music to get a fair airing on VH1, or MTV for that matter. But I do wish the videos were better. I guess the more interesting filmmakers are working with the more interesting musicians, who, like I said, are not popping up on VH1.
Also, if current patterns pertain, we can expect to keep seeing James Blunt in the countdown a decade from now, long after people stop buying his records.
KP: I learned that sometimes it's okay to be a rock snob, and that maybe it's things like Top 40 radio and the VH1 countdown that build rock snobs. There's just enough taste of the good stuff to hook young listeners but not so much that they don't have to look elsewhere to get the real thing. I also learned that Bon Jovi is now a country band, Madonna and the Black Eyed Peas could kick my ass, Jamie Foxx and James Blunt want to have sex with me, Mary J. Blige wishes I'd come home, Beyoncé has a movie out, Staind and Train still inexplicably exist, and you can fit a British singer and an entire gospel choir in an elevator, as long as the British singer looks like she hasn't been fed in a week. Also, I remembered why I love my iPod.
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