June 2
The Break-Up
What it's about: After breaking up, neither Jennifer Aniston nor Vince Vaughn want to relinquish their condo, so they plot ways to smoke each other out.
Why it's probably a waste of time: Re-shoots were demanded after test audiences rejected the original ending as not bland enough.
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: The trailer is funny, and director Peyton Reed (Bring It On, Down With Love) has a knack for producing bright, inventive comedies. And poor Aniston could really use a hit to lift her spirits, don't you think?
Suggested alternate activity: Doing everything you can to keep your own rocky relationship on track, because the whole dinner-and-a-movie thing just isn't cutting it anymore.
June 6
The Omen
What it's about: Liev Schreiber and Julia Stiles adopt a boy who bears the Mark Of The Beast. He's the littlest antichrist!
Why it's probably a waste of time: Creepy kids are so last year, and devil movies are almost always too damned portentous.
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: There might be some cool subtext about how this generation is trying so hard to be different from their parents that they're ditching Christian conservatism for something more… libertine. (Insert evil laugh.)
Suggested alternate activity: Reading the collected works of Anton LaVey and pestering friends with explanations of how "devil worship" isn't what they think it is, and how Satan has wonderful plans for them.
June 9
Cars
What it's about: In Pixar's latest animated feature, a cocky racecar voiced by Owen Wilson gets stuck in a hick Western town, where he learns about love and life from the other vehicular residents.
Why it's probably a waste of time: It sounds exactly like Doc Hollywood, except with car jokes.
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: Pixar's hit-to-miss ratio is unsullied so far, and while Cars' trailers seem alternately dull and clichéd, the company has more than earned the benefit of the doubt.
Suggested alternate activity: Re-watching Pixar's The Incredibles, the Toy Story movies, and Finding Nemo while waiting for reviews and keeping your fingers crossed.
June 16
Nacho Libre
What it's about: Writer-director Jared Hess follows up his cult hit Napoleon Dynamite; Jack Black stars as a Mexican monk who takes up professional wrestling to save an orphanage.
Why it's probably a waste of time: The premise sounds like a cross between an overlong Saturday Night Live skit and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. Also, Jack Black's shtick is getting tired.
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: Something about the way he fills out those skin-tight luchador pants is hard to resist.
Suggested alternate activity: A video camera is all you need to convert your backyard-wrestling passion into Nacho Libre fan-fiction.
The Lake House
What it's about: After a lake house's former resident (Sandra Bullock) begins exchanging love letters with its current tenant (Keanu Reeves), they discover they're living two years apart. Talk about long-distance relationships!
Why it's probably a waste of time: Wasn't that good two years ago when it was called The Notebook, and with Valentín director Alejandro Agresti at the helm, expect more sap than a Vermont maple. Keanu: "How's your sunset?" Us: "Gag."
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: After Bullock and Jason Patric burned up the screen in Speed 2: Cruise Control, Reeves has been waiting 12 years for payback.
Suggested alternate activity: If you're dragged to see this film against your will, hope the sound from the blockbuster in the next theater leaks through the walls.
The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift
What it's about: Lucas Black and Bow Wow make like Paul Walker and Vin Diesel, leading speed-addicted cinemagoers into the latest underground racing phenomenon, which apparently involves hairpin turns, reckless skidding, and the Japanese.
Why it's probably a waste of time: How many times can we watch troubled youngsters compensate for their undersized genitalia by souping up jalopies and taking to the streets of foreign lands?
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: We wish to know more about this, how you say, "Tokyo Drift."
Suggested alternate activity: Scouting out the next international underground-racing sensation. Whipping doughnuts in Denmark, perhaps?
June 23
Click
What it's about: Adam Sandler plays a workaholic with a magical remote that lets him leap forward and backward through life. Might this fantastical contraption cure Sandler of his addiction to workahol?
Why it's probably a waste of time: From the previews, it looks like the screenwriters brainstormed the most obvious gags possible, then called it a day.
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: There's always the chance that Click will shock the world by being a haunting, eloquent meditation on time, remorse, and memory. Also, Sandler uses his remote to make this one chick's boobs bounce in slow motion.
Suggested alternate activity: Why not reward a rare instance in which Sandler actually tried to grow as an actor, and Netflix Punch-Drunk Love?
Garfield: A Tail Of Two Kitties
What it's about: Lasagna-munching misanthrope Garfield and owner Breckin Meyer go to England and battle villainous nobleman Billy Connolly.
Why it's probably a waste of time: As the sequel to the abysmal adaptation of a mediocre comic strip, A Tail Of Two Kitties is several generations removed from anything even resembling quality.
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: It can't be worse than the first one. Or can it? Besides, the two or three hours per year that Bill Murray spends doing voiceovers for Garfield movies help finance his addiction to appearing in quirky low-budget independent films.
Suggested alternate activity: Re-reading Garfield: Life In The Fat Lane. All the other Garfield books are worthless, but that one's a keeper.
June 30
Superman Returns
What it's about: After spending years away from Earth looking for other Kryptonian survivors, Superman comes back and tries to rebuild his ties to the planet and to Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane.
Why it's probably a waste of time: The Superman story has been done to death a dozen times over, in just about every possible medium. And he's rarely a particularly nuanced or interesting character to begin with.
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: Director Bryan Singer makes the X-Men look pretty cool; he's fumbled the franchise a bit in the past, but at least he understands what makes superhero comics fun. Besides, Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor.
Suggested alternate activity: Watching Smallville, checking out Geoff Johns and Kurt Busiek's current take on Superman in Superman and Action Comics, looking for a new superhero whose story hasn't been mined exhaustively over the last 70 years.
The Devil Wears Prada
What it's about: Meryl Streep plays a viciously catty fashion-magazine editor who makes new employee Anne Hathaway miserable.
Why it's probably a waste of time: Will any of the juicy detail of Lauren Weisberger's novel survive Hollywood's attempt to flatten it out for flyover country?
Why it might be worth seeing anyway: Streep excels at playing broad comedy without losing her human core. Also, watching someone else's annoying boss can make your own seem like a sweetheart.
Suggested alternate activity: Taking a long coffee break, calling in sick, having a "personal day"… or going to see The Omen to discover the true meaning of "devil."
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