Like a lot of New Yorkers, for years I would wake up every day and listen to Howard Stern. Now, when I wake up, I watch part of an episode of Dawson's Creek on TBS, and you know what? It's not the same. (But there are similarities, like angst, for instance, and giant Dawson-Leery-like foreheads, and stupid promo shots.)

There were parts that I hated about The Howard Stern Show (usually any part that involved The Wack Pack, or 'The Tickle Chair,' or a giggling porn star) but overall the show was pretty funny. Especially the celebrity interviews. Stern has a way of both flattering and insulting his guests that apparently causes them to open up. He's also the only host I know who actively whines his way into getting a person to answer a question. It was like listening to an interview conducted by an oversexed, petulant 8 year old. In short, it was compelling.

But since I'm not paying $13 a month for it, it's now gone forever. Except when Stern gets someone famous to talk about something sexual or mean. Then I get to read about it everywhere. Here's a list of the stories Stern has broken since he moved to satellite radio:

--Janice Dickenson has slept with everyone, but did not succumb to the tawdry come-ons of Bill Cosby.

--Wilmer Valderrama is a huge man-whore.

--Dustin Diamond is huger. He's also bankrupt. And selling "I Paid $15 To Save Screeech's House" D-Shirts to help raise money to save his house, while keeping him from getting sued for copywright infringement.

--Howard Stern doesn't just get snubbed. He gets snubbed at Nobu.

--Oh, and more than you ever wanted to know about Carnie Wilson's lower half.

If it wasn't for Howard Stern, these stories would go totally unreported, just more D-List celebrity gossip swept under the rug. Really, he's doing us all a huge service.

Which brings me to my main question: Is anyone actually paying the $13 a month? If so, is it at all worth it?