Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christ will come again. And then what? The A.V. Club searched through the world of popular song to see what our favorite musicians imagine Jesus has been up to since God called Him up to Heaven.
1. ZZ Top, "Jesus Just Left Chicago" (available on Tres Hombres)
After His resurrection and ascension, Jesus apparently develops an intense interest in courting the disciples of R&B. Over machine-tooled, loping blues, ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons describes the further travels of Jesus, as He returns to Earth and wanders from the Windy City to New Orleans, stopping off in Mississippi, where "muddy water turned to wine."
2. Harry Nilsson, "I Guess The Lord Must Be In New York City" (available on Harry)
Following a rumor and his own secret wishes, Harry Nilsson packs his bags and heads to NYC, because he's tired of "seeing my prayers goin' unanswered." In real life, Nilsson had hoped this sly rip-off of his own cover of Fred Neil's "Everybody's Talkin'" would become the theme to Midnight Cowboy, but just like in the song, Nilsson knocked on Jesus' back door and got no reply. But at least he was still in the city, "where I've always wanted to be." The Lord works in mysterious ways.
3. The Replacements, "Can't Hardly Wait" (available on Pleased To Meet Me)
If Harry Nilsson couldn't find the Lord in the city, that may be because He was hanging with Paul Westerberg of The Replacements, who confides that "Jesus rides beside me / He never buys any smokes." Is He making a stand against tobacco abuse, or is He just a cheapskate?
4. Green Day, "Jesus Of Suburbia" (available on American Idiot)
Could Christ be reborn as a latchkey kid, hooked on "soda pop and Ritalin," and suffering for the sins of his party-minded single mom? Green Day certainly thinks so, and the fact that the hero of this miniature punk-rock opera runs away from home and chants "I don't care if you don't care" implies that this whole savior business isn't part of the new Jesus' plans.
5. Swervedriver, "The Other Jesus" (available on Ejector Seat Reservation)
Maybe it isn't that Jesus has returned to Earth and started doing new stuff; instead, a multitude of Jesuses are running around providing individualized salvation. In Swervedriver's swirly dream-pop classic, bandleader Adam Franklin grapples with his "schemes" and "sins" and what they might mean to his immortal soul, but then he lucks out and sees "the other Jesus walk down my street." Presumably this one will be more lenient.
6. The Vaselines, "Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam" (available on The Way Of The Vaselines)
The lyric doesn't reveal the cynicism inside—Nirvana's cover changed the title to "Jesus Doesn't Want Me For A Sunbeam"—but The Vaselines' crotchety response to the traditional religious song has the Lord rejecting the singer. Would our man J.C. do that? The Bible says no, verily. In any case, it's hella catchy, in a dour, Scottish way.
7. Wilco, "Christ For President" (available on Mermaid Avenue)
Woody Guthrie wrote the words, Billy Bragg passed them on to Wilco, and Jeff Tweedy and Jay Bennett wrote the hootenanny stomp that suggests how Jesus would make a great president, because He'd provide "a job and a pension for young and old." But if nominated, would He run? If elected, would He serve?
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