As part of my job, I read a lot of dubious gossip items (jealous?), and I've found that they usually fall into one of two categories: probably true and probably false. It's very rare that I will come across a gossip item that is either obviously, emphatically true or clearly, ridiculously false. Gossip is designed to be muddy that way.

But then today I read this completely unbelivable rumor (story found via Cityrag). So now I present to you, How To Spot A False Rumor Involving Prince

1. The rumor is almost the exact opposite of what you would expect Prince, or really any other human being who has ever been to a strip club, to do.

Prince pleaded with strippers to keep their clothes on during a recent night out.

The 'Purple Rain' singer, who is a Jehovah's Witness, is said to have begged the gorgeous girls to cover up while he was partying at top Los Angeles nightclub Xenii.

2. Colorful, after-school-special-worthy quotes are attributed to Prince by numerous anonymous sources.

According to reports, Prince told the strippers: "It's wrong to dance like that. You're too good for this. You shouldn't be selling yourself so cheap."

3. At least one of the following things happens: The spirit of Christmas softens an old curmedgeon's heart. A hungry kitten forms an unlikely friendship with a delicious mouse. Or a stripper turns down a large sum of money to do nothing.

A source added: "The girls told him they needed the money. Prince even asked them how much they were paid per night and offered to give them twice as much to stop."

The strippers reportedly rejected his offer insisting they were happy to flaunt their shapely curves.

I realize that Prince is in many ways a walking contradiction—religious but highly sexual, diminuative but intimidating, masculine but high-heel-wearing—but come on. After he went to the strip club and told the dancers to put on clothes, did he go to a methodist church and ask them to take down all the crosses?

That said, I probably still would have believed it, if the strippers in question hadn't turned down double their nightly salary because they were "happy to flaunt their shapely curves."