December 6th, 2006
For People Who Are Sick Of Getting Toblerones In Their Stockings
Fancy Target Candy ($2 and up)
Because nothing improves the taste of chocolate more than pretension, Target's house brand Choxie offers an array of bars, drops, cups, and squares that mix fine chocolate—dark and milk, brittle and creamy—blended with gingerbread cookies, candy canes, espresso beans, and fluffy peanut butter. The price is a little high, but the flavor is crazy good, especially in the spiced caramels and spiced toffees, which taste like they've been gently held over a steaming mug of mulled cider. It'll make your Noël Joyeux.
Find it at: Target
For People Who Need To Understand Why It's Such A Big Deal That Everybody At The Village Voice Is Getting Fired
The Village Voice Film Guide: 50 Years Of Movies From Classics To Cult Hits ($17)
In his last hurrah as The Village Voice's venerable film editor, Dennis Lim compiled this anthology of 150 movie reviews, cutting across 50 years and the whole body of world cinema, as originally covered by America's once-preeminent alt-weekly. The Village Voice was largely responsible for making deep thinking about popular art—previously available exclusively in academic journals—lively and accessible for newspaper readers. And though the Voice writers' politics often got in the way of their aesthetic sense, the work of critical lions like J. Hoberman, Andrew Sarris, Jonas Mekas, and Georgia Brown showed an enthusiasm for the medium in all its generic guises, and an unwillingness to settle for schlock. Maybe this book will inspire the next generation of critics. Or even better, the next generation of alt-weekly editors.
Find it at: Bookstores everywhere
For People Who Like Old Toys And Low-Level Electric Shocks
Hot Wheels Sizzlers Mad Scatter Set ($10)
Perhaps realizing that parents do most of the toy-buying in the household, toy-makers have lately been bringing back some of their classic designs, looking to appeal to Mom and Dad's nostalgic side. Hot Wheels joins the fray with the return of Sizzlers, those electricity-conducting racers that used to zoom around linoleum-tiled kitchens and get lost under refrigerators decades ago. The "Mad Scatter Set" comes with a fist-sized battery that can be clipped to a child's belt, ready to dispense a charge to a tiny car at a moment's notice. (Or at least 90 seconds' notice, which is how long it takes to fill up.) Once goosed, the vehicle zips away on a frenzied ride that typically lasts about two seconds, until it crashes into someone's foot. Forget Who Killed The Electric Car? Worry about whether the electric car will kill you.
Find it at: Target.com, toy stores
For That Clash Fan Who Refuses To Download Albums Because Downloads Have No Liner Notes
The Clash, The Singles ($80)
The downloading age has produced a generation that thinks nothing of album packaging and artwork—they don't understand that albums should be something you hold and touch, man! However, the new Clash box set, which collects all 19 of the band's UK singles (and bonus tracks), is all about packaging. Each single comes in its own sleeve, using its original artwork. The black CDs with grooved tops even look like miniature 7-inch albums. (For full authenticity, opt for the vinyl box set.) Also included is a booklet with commentary on each song from notable fans (director Danny Boyle, Blur's Damon Albarn, novelist Irvine Welsh, and others). As a means of hearing The Clash's many great songs, The Singles is preposterously cumbersome, but ease-of-use isn't the point. This collection is aimed squarely at old-schoolers who miss great album packaging and miss their turntables—it's cooler to look at than listen to.
Find it at: Music stores, Amazon
For People With Seasonal Affective Disorder Who Need To Be Distracted For The Next Three Months
The Kids In The Hall Megaset ($240)
Need something to while away those long winter nights? The Kids In The Hall Megaset collects all 101 episodes of the beloved sketch-comedy show on 20 discs, along with bonus interviews, 10 "best of" compilations of fan-favorite sketches, live-performance and archival footage, a poster gallery, a slide show, and of course, commentary from ensemble members. Just pop the DVDs in the player, and by the time you're done, spring will have arrived. During the show's run from 1988 to 1994, The Kids In The Hall was arguably the most consistently funny sketch-comedy show on television—even besting Saturday Night Live, the bread and butter of KITH producer Lorne Michaels. And because The Kids In The Hall mostly avoided topical humor, its sketches remain funny more than a decade later. Thirty Helens agree.
Find it at: Big-box retailers, DVD stores, Amazon
For That Friend Who's A Closet Voyeur
Found II: More Of The Best Lost, Tossed And Forgotten Items From Around The World ($14)
Mortified: Real Words. Real People. Real Pathetic. ($15)
My Secret: A PostSecret Book ($20)
Three books prove that real life is stranger—and often funnier—than fiction. Found II (based on the 'zine Found) collects interesting notes, lists, letters, photos, and more that people find lying around discarded. They're frequently hilarious, often moving, and always fascinating. Seriously, what's going on in people's lives when their grocery lists include "sugar free fucking syrup"? In Mortified, people submit their most cringe-inducing, teenage-angst-ridden letters, diary entries, poetry, song lyrics, awkward photos, and more, then comment on them. The book is based on a recurring live show in several cities, where brave souls read this stuff in front of strangers. Mortified the book is packed with teenage crushes (one girl repeatedly proclaims her love for Joey McIntyre of New Kids On The Block), Duran Duran fan fiction, and other stuff that's almost unbearably intimate—but completely funny. PostSecret can be funny, but when people write a secret on an artfully designed postcard, then mail it, the results are going to be dark. My Secret collects never-before-seen postcards from teenagers and college students. There's funny stuff ("I orgasm when I swim laps"), not-so-funny stuff ("I can only love her when she leaves me"), and others that lie between. ("Once I wrote a poem about you on a $1 bill in hopes that one day it would end up in your wallet.") All three books, kindred souls to each other, are completely engrossing and thoroughly entertaining.
Find it at: Assorted bookstores
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