God, calm down, CBS. There are other superlatives besides "biggest," you know.

Is there any better way to say "We're out of ideas," than an American Idol rip-off contest for awful, Grammy-watching, amateur singers, excuse me, "unsigned artists"?

But this idea is horrible not just because it's lazy, and it wrongly assumes that real people are just as entertaining as professional entertainers, but because it makes me feel sorry for Justin Timberlake. He's worked so hard on his dance moves, and his disconcerting falsetto, and that song that sounds like the inner workings of a computer ("My Love"), only to have it all ruined by some "unsigned artist" who knows how to upload video of himself singing "Vision Of Love" in his living room.

Why "Vision Of Love"? Because that's one of the awful songs these probably awful contestants have to attempt to sing in order to win:

o "If I Ain't Got You" (originally performed by Alicia Keys)

o "Breathe" (originally performed by Faith Hill)

o "Come To My Window" (originally performed by Melissa Etheridge)

o "What's Love Got To Do With It" (originally performed by Tina Turner)

o "Dance With My Father" (originally performed by Luther Vandross)

o "Cry Me A River" (originally performed by Justin Timberlake)

o "Respect" (originally performed by Aretha Franklin)

o "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" (originally performed by Whitney Houston)

o "Vision of Love" (originally performed by Mariah Carey).

I think these songs were chosen for maximium creepability. Honestly, there is nothing more off-putting than watching fuzzy clip after fuzzy clip of ordinary people belting out "If I Ain't Got You" in front of the blank walls of their homes. (Check it out, at your own discretion, here.)

Truly, the Grammys can't come soon enough. But what does Justin have to say about all this.

Ugh. I mean, awww. He's so humble. I sense a lengthy "coaching montage" for the broadcast. Nevermind, I don't feel bad for him at all.