8:01pm: ABC is making us wait a half hour to watch Happy Feet? Another question: Why does Robin Williams always have to be involved in the Oscars? And which do you dislike more: cartoon Robin Williams, or non-cartoon, but cartoonish Robin Williams? Discuss.

8:07pm: Steve Carell is being interviewed on the red carpet, and with all the screaming, it sounds remarkably like he's being interviewed in the 6th circle of hell.

8:09: Oooh! Montage to the Dreamgirls song. That was necessary. Incidentally, no one ever needs to hear Patricia Fields talk ever again. It sounds like she has sandpaper in her larynx.

8:14pm: Though watching ABC's red carpet isn't even close to trying to comprehend the visual cacophony of watching the E! red carpet, ABC is trying to keep the screen busy. There's a factoid crawl at the bottom of the screen that is great both for complete randomness and creating confusion: "Penelope wants to be a photographer," flashed along the bottom while Penelope Cruz was being interviewed, and "Jaden wants to next work on a comedy," flashed while Andre Leon Talley was hulking over the entire Will Smith clan. Interesting, right?