R. Kelly's Defense Hinges On The Believablity Of A Wayans Brothers Movie

May 22nd, 2008
Yesterday was the second day of testimony at the trial of R. Kelly for 14 counts of child pornography in Chicago, and the strategy of his defense team seems to be taking shape. Basically, their defense falls into three categories: 1. The girl on the tape was a "paid prostitute." (Why it's ok to hire an underage prostitute is, apparently, not part of their defense.) 2. That's not R. Kelly on the tape, because R. Kelly has a mole on his back. (So does Sylvester. What does it mean?) and 3. That's not R. Kelly on the tape, it's special effects. Have you seen what they can do with the special effects these days? It's crazy! Just look at the Wayans Brothers movie, Little Man. No, really. That's essentially what his lawyer said in court yesterday when cross-examining a witness who testified that she knew the underage girl on the tape, and that the man on the tape was definitely R. Kelly. From MTV News: [The witness] Jamison also got a few laughs out of the court, such as when [Kelly's lawyer] Adam asked her about the possibility of the tape having been altered with special effects. Had she seen the Wayans brothers movie "Little Man"? "It looked real, didn't it?" Adam asked. "Not really," Jamison replied with some sarcasm. Little Man is the best example of believable special effects you can come up with?

Follow up questions: "Didn't you believe that Marlon Wayans was an infant?" "Come on: look at him. Are you going to tell me his face doesn't blend in seamlessly with that baby's body?" "Doesn't this film look delightful?" Needless to say, but if R. Kelly's defense depends on demonstrating the verisimilitude of Wayans brothers movies, he is definitely going to jail. "It looks like R. Kelly because the special effects on this sex tape are subtle and amazing--just like Marlon Wayans' performance as a white woman in White Chicks," is only an effective argument for the prosecution.