It's difficult to express the sheer weirdness and joy of a gigantic convention center filled with candy. There's nothing like walking down aisle after aisle of bright colors and overstimulation, all presented in the name of foisting sweet treats (and some salty treats) on the world. As outsiders, we clearly enjoyed the 2008 All Candy Expo more than most attendees. Plenty of tight-faced, brusque dudes in suits were just there as a matter of business; their unit-shifting just happens to take place in the world of blessed sugar. And not all of them were friendly to mere media types who weren't likely to change their convention-sales bottom line: One small-company rep rushed up to greet us, asked "Who are you with?" and when he heard "The media," turned around and walked off without another word.
Even so, for us, the All Candy Expo really is like a return to Halloween: the rush to ring every doorbell (or stop by every booth), the strategizing about how best to cover the territory, the sugar high followed by the sugar crash, and the breathtaking first look at all of the crap you've gathered, sitting in one huge pile. Add to that the excitement of getting a bunch of candy you've never seen or heard of before—import-only items not available in the States, pre-launch items about to hit the market, and the occasional small-company line of products looking for national distribution and national attention. The deliciousness runs the gamut from gourmet to downscale; the attendees range from the biggest candy manufacturers to tiny mom-and-pop companies.
The individual booths ranged from holy to skankalicious: At one end of the spectrum was the Christ-loving confectioner Scripture Candy, which wraps its products in Bible verses. On the other, more hellbound side of the street, there were four scantily clad On Go energy-drink trollops fondling each other's asses for a leering photo op in front of scads of rubbernecking candy-freaks. Then there was the stern-looking gentleman selling squeezable packets of mayonnaise, peanut butter, nacho cheese, and cream cheese, which disconcertingly, didn't require refrigeration. "We sell mainly to prisons," he assured The A.V. Club's slightly creeped-out representatives. "But these packets aren't cheap in the commissary. And I'm not sure why a prisoner would want cream cheese. I don't think they get bagels in there." All this plus Gummy Grills, and Hannah Montana and SpongeBob SquarePants cash-ins up the wazoo!
We saw a candy whose name brings to mind emaciated prostitutes (Crackheads—chocolate-covered espresso beans—motto: "Everyone's addicted to something"), new innovations in the world of Peeps (chocolate-mousse flavored; a representative described them as "better than sex"), and the latest from giants like M&M/Mars. Below is just a small sampling of some of the incredible products we tried:
Cola Pez
Alas, one of our first experiences within the All Candy Expo was one of denial: The glorious Pez booth, lined with Pez dispensers of all shapes, sizes, and textures—including a plush line of stuffed-animal dispensers—was touting the joys of new Chocolate Pez, but there was not a single sample to be had. There were dozens, perhaps hundreds of packages of Chocolate Pez on display, but they were all taped down or under glass. When we asked to try the treat, we were told, "We're saving all those for tomorrow." We had to content ourselves with Cola Pez, which does in fact have a mild, entirely pleasant cola-syrup flavor underneath the dominant taste of just plain sugar.
Bartons Black Raspberry Chocotini
And speaking of candy denial… While most All Candy Expo booths give away bite-sized samples of live and upcoming product, and others hand out mini- or full-sized versions of their packaged treats to take home, virtually all the booths had giant wall displays of new product, with signs saying "Samples only, do not take," or something similar. Not the folks at Bartons. Their giant wall o' chocolate was entirely unrestricted by signs, tape, or glass, leading us to believe we could actually sample the wonders of Mojito Chocotini bars and Pomegranate Exquisite Truffles. But as soon as we touched the product, two suited sales reps rushed over to snap at us to put the stuff down. They were apparently so irked at our grabbiness that they refused to discuss their product line with us, and all further questions were answered snappishly and with condescension. The one product we did walk off with, a Black Raspberry bar from the alcohol-themed but alcohol-free Chocotini line, turned out to be delicious. Too bad the attitudes were so much sourer than the confections. Incidentally, we couldn't help but notice that the entire Bartons line is currently packaged exactly like the equivalent Ghirardelli products—same dark browns topped with rich primary colors, similar fonts, identical packaging on the loose miniatures. Which led us to check in with Ghirardelli later in the day. See below.
Nut Job
Bartons was much less stingy and grumpy about another offering—NutJob, a wacky new candy bar featuring "delicious double chocolate, creamy caramel, loaded with peanuts!" They hired a dude to dress as a "nut job," which apparently means something like a Little League outfit. He was carrying around some balls, so we asked if he was going to juggle them… and he obliged. The bar tastes a hell of a lot like an Oh Henry, but we can't imagine there will be crossover between the youngsters drawn to the "craziness" of NutJob and the 80-plus set that enjoys Oh Henry bars.
Camille Bloch Liqueur-Filled Chocolates
Bartons' Chocotini bars lack an actual liquor component, but the Dorval Trading Company booth just next door more than compensated. Several importers and manufacturers at the Expo were touting chocolates with the usual liqueur fillings, like Cointreau, Bailey's Irish Cream, and Grand Marnier, but the Camille Bloch line added some ringers to the mix, including grappa, "Jamaican Rhum," and Kirsch brandy. The chocolate bubbles on the bars could barely contain the surprisingly hefty shots of booze; we'd never gotten an actual swimmy alcohol moment from a candy bar before. And that was just from sampling a single square each. We were willing to bet a whole bar would have us reeling in the aisles, but we decided not to risk it.
Heinz Ketchup Flavored Potato Chips
Herr's "Blossoming Onion" chips
Scrappy chipmaker Herr's told us that ketchup-flavored chips are very popular in Canada. Who knew? Anyway: They taste like ketchup! It probably isn't the toughest flavor to imitate. The Blossoming Onion was a little more intriguing: That state-fair staple is all about texture, heat, and dipping sauce. The chip form is actually much closer to a pork rind—puffy, super-crunchy, and actually quite tasty.
Funley's Delicious Stix In The Mud
We had a pleasant conversation with Shawn and Ashley Mendel, the husband-and-wife team behind Funley's, who look nothing like the couple on the front of their Stix In The Mud ("clusters of crunchy savory cookie bits in a blend of premium dark and milk chocolate"). They explained how much friendlier the snack industry is than the movie industry—they're from L.A. Their product has only been around for a year, but they're really excited to be pimping it at the Expo. We're happy to report that their treats are delicious. They look sort of high-end, like something you might one day see at Whole Foods.
Super Tea Pastel
In an equally personal but stranger and less pleasant interaction, a woman representing a product called Super Tea Pastel (put out by Anhui Fukang Pharmecutical Co., Ltd. of China, which could probably use a corporate makeover before it does business in the U.S., and should probably start by giving itself a friendly name like "Funley's") physically grabbed us as we went by, trying to persuade us to try Super Tea Pastel, a green-tea-based, candy-like product with a surprisingly intense tea taste. Is it a breath mint? A candy mint? According to the expensive-looking full-color glossy sheet she handed us, "It is a kind of new type food which… has unique delicate fragrance flavor, and can be dissolved immediately while kept in mouth, it will dispel bad smell more quickly more radically and more lasting, keep your mouth fresh for a long time! Also it can care teeth and human body, and not pollute environment. Additionally, we put the original green tea juice and fruit juice in it, hence it has unique flavor and better taste, endeared it to most people." And on and on and on at length, summed up by the big red sell-line at the top of the info sheet: "Innovation patent in china first! Lead a new innovation in the filed [sic] of chewing gum!" Oh wait, so it is gum. That's… good to know, we guess. (This sell page is just as entertaining. Nice to know it can help with weight lose.)
Snickers Rockin' Nut Road
We've been pretty disappointed with the Snickers spin-offs that have come out lately: Snickers Dark doesn't taste much different, Snickers Charged had that horrible energy-bar aftertaste, and Snickers Nut'N Butter Crunch was pretty dull, too. We even skipped officially Taste Testing the Indiana Jones-themed Snickers Adventure, because it just tasted like a Snickers with a bit of coconut oil on it. The limited-edition Rockin' Nut Road sounds plenty different on the surface ("almonds, caramel, and marshmallow-flavored nougat wrapped in dark chocolate"), and even looks different: The signature swirls on top are gone—it's smooth! Lo and behold, it's damn good. It tastes pretty much nothing like a Snickers, which is sort of a theme at this year's convention: Companies don't want to launch a new brand, so they make something that's completely different, but call it something familiar. You'll see that later with the new M&Ms Premiums…
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