May 27th, 2008
1. Rodney Dangerfield, "Rappin' Rodney"
Maybe there's a good reason Rodney Dangerfield never got any respect: He's a horrible rapper. In fact, it's a stretch to even classify the self-deprecating comedian's performance on the title track to 1983's Rappin' Rodney as "rapping": Dangerfield merely rattles off his self-deprecating one-liners, as fly girls chant "No respect! No respect!" between the setup and punchline over a funky, unrelated beat. It's the epitome of a novelty song: It coasts on a dated gag, but it wears thin even during the initial listen. Fortunately, there's a video he made for a network special, which amplifies the song's amateurish cluelessness, but at least weaves the "song" into a puzzling courtroom setting, and includes Father Guido Sarducci nibbling on Dangerfield's last meal.
2. Billy Crystal, "You Look Mahvelous"
Billy Crystal's inside-showbiz parody of Fernando Lamas as a smooth-talking, name-dropping Hollywood fixture was always a queer bird, better suited to the SCTV brand of celebrity parody than the edgier Saturday Night Live aesthetic. But the character's catchphrase soon found a fan in every water-cooler comedian, making a spin-off inevitable; while we were spared the horrors of Fernando: The Motion Picture, the '80s lounge-corn of the single was ubiquitous during a few months of 1985. It cracked the Billboard Hot 100, and even made it to #28 on the dance chart. This says less about Crystal's comic talents than it does about the quality of cocaine available back then.
3. Dennis Leary, "Asshole"
For about five seconds, it looked like Denis Leary was going to become the dirty version of "Weird Al" Yankovic. "Asshole" made a huge impact, ironically, with a censored version that robbed it of most of its bite. Leary raves for four minutes over a spare acoustic guitar riff until, finally, someone—his own conscience? The voice of his fans?—asks him to quit pontificating and get on with the song. Before long, the question of whether he was kidding was answered, and America realized that he really was an asshole. After that, he gave up comedy to become an actor, where being an asshole is less of a hindrance.
4. Sam Kinison, "Wild Thing"
Given his prodigious alcohol and drug intake, it's possible that Sam Kinison really believed he was a rock star when he recorded a novelty cover of The Troggs' classic "Wild Thing" in 1988. Kinison recruited a bevy of actual rock stars for the video, including Tommy Lee, Slash, Billy Idol, Steven Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith, some dudes from Ratt, Frank Zappa's kid, and one of the non-Bon Jovi members of Bon Jovi. He also jammed out on a Stratocaster emblazoned with his own screamy face. And to Kinison's credit, he totally rocks harder than Faster Pussycat. But Faster Pussycat is also more (unintentionally) hilarious, so Kinison's comedy-rock move must be declared a draw.
5. Steve Martin, "King Tut"
The novelty song "King Tut" already had a pretty good premise: a nation obsessed with, of all things, a traveling exhibit of the Egyptian king's tomb artifacts. In 1978, Steve Martin added an extra level of humor by claiming his song was educational, then adding ridiculous lyrics like "How'd you get so funky? Did you do the monkey?" and even referring to the mummy as "my favorite honky." The single reached #17 in 1978.
6. Robert Klein, "Let's Not Make Love"
For the title track of his 1990 album, Robert Klein created what he called "a love song for the '90s." It's an unlikely anthem celebrating the joys of abstinence in an era where widespread anxiety over AIDS, STDs, and unplanned pregnancies combined to make sex seem scarier than sexual, delivered with Klein's sardonic humor. Klein reached deep into his Rolodex to line up cameos from famous friends like Bob Costas and Geraldo Rivera in the accompanying—and curiously absent from YouTube—music video. Not making love with Geraldo Rivera—now there's a notion we can all get behind.
7. Neil Hamburger, "Seven Elevens"
Neil Hamburger has made a career out of making fun of stand-up comedians, delivering the worst jokes possible with enough ridiculous panache to provide laughs. (If you're in the right mood, anyway.) One of Hamburger's earliest routines, about how all 7-Eleven stores are exactly the same ("It doesn't matter where you go!"), followed the ridiculous comedian-makes-novelty-song path. Hamburger even made a video for it, with cheap shaky-cam and bad effects. So bad it's still bad, but funny.
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