The Right And Wrong Way To Make Fun Of Your Baby

June 24th, 2008
According to NY Magazine, there is now apparently a line of high heels for babies called, "Heelarious." Get it? Because they're heels for babies and the makers of the infant stilettos have absolutely no sense of humor and are trying to cover up their terrible idea in puns. From the entirely too fuchsia Heelarious website: heežlaržižous [he-lair-ee-uhs] - noun: extremely funny, completely soft, fully functional high heel crib shoes for babies. Not intended for walking (heel will collapse with weight). Not intended to harm children in any way. WARNING: May cause extreme smiling and hysterical laughter when in use (this is completely normal). Thank God they're not intended to harm children. You know it's a sound product when the manufacturer has to explicitly say, "Despite appearances, we really don't mean to maim kids with this." Also, hysterical laughter? Extremely funny? Maybe if you've been cooped up with a needy infant and suffering through bouts of sleep deprivation for about three months. But by then you're laughing at Winnie The Pooh wallpaper and seeing smiley faces in drool stains. To the rest of us, this really isn't funny.

It's merely creepy. Still, I realize that some people these days are having babies just for the laughs, which is their right. There's nothing wrong with making fun of your baby, but there is a right and a wrong way to go about it. For clarification, this is the wrong way:

The joke here is something along the lines of, "What's the deal with tacky infant call girls?" Not so heelarious. And here's the right way to make fun of your baby, courtesy of Jon Benjamin:

See, everyone can enjoy a sharp Punk'd parody. But only a mother with an un-HEEL-thy (get it?) sense of HEELmor (bam!) would love a cheap, unfunny gag like a baby in cheap heels.