Sharxploitation
Jaws ain't got nothing on these guys
Despite what Hollywood has led us to believe, man-eating sharks do not actually lurk underneath the surface of every ocean, lake, and swimming pool. Yet sharxploitation cinema still remains one of the best pop-culture outlets for B-movie horror. In honor of today’s direct-to-DVD release of Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus—a spectacularly ridiculous 90-minute battle between two prehistoric creatures and the humans tangentially related to them (including Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson!)—The A.V. Club walks you through the top five most awesomely bad moments in sharxploitation movie history.
Megalodon (2002)
One of the cheapest ways to get footage of sharks for low-budget movies is to take clips from nature channel documentaries. The effect is questionable at best—a little like something off PhotoshopDisasters—but it only adds to the movie’s amusement value. This approach is illustrated no place better than in Megalodon, a wonderfully dreadful story about a bunch of prehistoric sea creatures hanging out in a second “mirror” ocean below ours (don’t even ask) that are accidentally unleashed by a deep-sea drill. Amid this batch of aged animals is the titular beast, a 60-foot-long predecessor to the great white shark. The big guy swiftly sets about eating everyone and everything in his path, but it’s the spliced footage and grainy enlargement of the shark that makes this movie truly worth watching.
Sharks In Venice (2008)
Ah, Venice, the city of urine- and waste-filled canals that no respectable human being would ever voluntarily enter. Except the main dude in Sharks In Venice. It turns out he is actually looking for his missing father—and something about the Medici family’s long lost treasure (even though the Medicis were definitely from Florence. But no matter!). What is important about the hole-riddled plot is that, in addition to being filled with centuries of human excrement, the Venetian canals also house mean, dangerous sharks that, as exhibited in this phenomenal clip, have a taste for gondolas.
Deep Blue Sea (1999)
Like Megalodon, Deep Blue Sea is about the consequences of mankind's hubris when it comes to messing with nature. But, unlike its credibility-challenged contemporary, Deep Blue Sea had a bigger budget and Samuel L. Jackson to boot. Set in an unnecessarily isolated underwater science lab, a high-cheekboned scientist lady enhances sharks’ brains to harvest some protein that apparently cures Alzheimer’s disease. A noble cause, indeed, but also a foolish one: It turns out that as a side effect of all this brain growth, the sharks also get smarter—and the super-pissed, preternaturally intelligent predators then start hunting their captors. There are so many incredible moments in this movie, but none more so than the inspirational speech Jackson gives to his cowering comrades, which ends with, well, just watch.
Batman: The Movie (1966)
Like most mid-century superhero movies (read: not glossed-up fanboy fetish fests), Batman: The Movie leaves something to be desired in the way of naturalism. But this movie marks one of the earliest instances of shitty shark entertainment. The pajama-suited Dark Knight descends a hanging ladder from the Batcopter and somehow ends up going for an ocean dip. When he surfaces, a rubbery shark-like object is attached to his leg, forcing Robin to bust out the never-again-mentioned “Shark Repellent Bat Spray.” It's not clear what the spray does, but the shark’s body goes limp, plummets into the ocean, and explodes.
Zombi 2 (1979)
The title might imply that the movie is a sequel to Dawn Of The Dead—originally released as Zombi in Italy—but Lucio Fulci’s gore fest is unofficially related to George A. Romero’s genre-defining classic. Among its most memorable scenes is this clip of a zombie-dressed actor fighting an actual tiger shark. The undead combatant manages to get a few good bites in (and a free shark ride), but the victor is clear when the underwater predator all-but-severs the zombie's arm.
