Cheapskating: Free terrifying hybrid sandwiches at Denny's

Have you ever found yourself eating a whole breakfast platter and thought, "Gee whiz, I wish I could get rid of this cumbersome plate and just stack all these eggs, bacon strips, and sausage links into something I could hold in my hands"? Ever followed that thought up with, "Also, my hands just aren't sticky enough. If only this bread were glazed in maple syrup"? Are you also a shameless freeloader? Well, Incredibly Specific Theoretical Person: Today is your lucky day.

From the people that brought you the Denny's Grand Slam Giveaway comes Denny's Grand Slam Giveaway II: The Sandwiching. Until 2 p.m. today, anyone who orders a Grand Slam gets a free sandwich version of the chain's beloved, artery-clogging morning staple for their dining companion. Fresh from test-marketing in Dallas and cleverly dubbed the "Grand Slamwich," this all-in-one monstrosity throws shaved ham, mayonnaise, American cheese slices, and "maple spiced spread" into the Grand Slam mix before "slamwiching" it between two slices of potato bread coated in syrup. Hash browns are served on the side, because why the hell not?

"This is a win-win," Denny's CEO Nelson Marchioli said in a statement. "It's good for Denny's and America." Indeed, it sounds like just the thing to get America's heart pumping again. Then palpitating. Then making America dizzy and out of breath, until America has to lie down for a bit...