Denver guitar maniac aims for world record

It’s no secret that the Guinness Book Of World Records includes some totally bullshit records handed out to celebrity musicians—need we remind you about Weezer’s record-setting video that included the world’s biggest custard pie fight and the world’s largest air guitar ensemble, among other achievements?—but a Denver guitar guru is hoping to earn a place enshrined next to those fat twins and the shortest guy on earth. John Taylor, who operates Dr. Hot Licks’ School Of Guitar in Westminster, is aching to become the fastest shredder on the planet by rocketing through Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov’s “Flight Of The Bumblebee” in less time than it’ll take you to read this story.

Taylor already reached out to the folks at Guinness, who are either too overrun with submissions or too busy helping Rivers Cuomo make a mockery of Weezer’s career to get back to him—possibly because he doesn’t possess the media cachet of a major-label act. 

“A lot of their application is talking about what media do you expect to have there, and who’s paying for this, paying for that. I don’t have any media connections,” Taylor explains.

Who needs media connections in the Information Age? Taylor launched a demo video of his ridiculous fretboard skills, destroying Tiago Della Vega’s semi-official record of a 320-BPM rendition of the tune with his own 400-BPM version. It’s all captured in a not-so-speedy, 17-minute YouTube video. (Skip ahead to 9:51 if you can’t wait for the money shot.) Sure, it’s not as glamorous as the dude with the most elastic earlobes in the world, or that 1,600-pound woman from Michigan, but you’re not going to deny Taylor his shot at glory, are you Guinness?