Jock Itch Forecasting the stormy Broncos season

Barack Obama must have taken one look at Josh McDaniels and thought, “Welcome to the club, you poor bastard.” The sweat from Obama’s hand had barely dried from the Bible before he was beset with the kind of asinine scrutiny typically reserved for head coaches of football teams. The brief honeymoon is over for Obama, and while it seems McDaniels never had one, things are about to get stickier as your Broncos kick off the season against the Bengals this Sunday in Cincinnati.

The first-year coach of the Denver Broncos hasn’t even scripted a regular season play yet, and the calls for his head are already ringing out through the Rockies like the “coo-coo” sound coming from Glenn Beck. And all this because long-time coach Mike Shanahan was fired and the young gun McDaniels was given the keys to the Ferrari. Then he drove the Ferrari into a ditch and replaced it with a Subaru Forester hoping Pat Bowlen wouldn’t notice. I’m pretty sure he didn’t.

I’m not going to insult you by saying the Broncos will make the Super Bowl this year, especially after last year’s miserable 8-8 effort. I won’t even suggest they make the playoffs. But what I will suggest that things aren’t so bad in Broncoland.

Okay, so the quarterbacks are sub-par. Jay Cutler came back to town recently and showed everyone with a mouth to “boo” why he was so valuable to the team. Kyle Orton has not quite instilled the confidence in the fan base that a true franchise QB should, and Chris Simms is hurt and spleenless. Now a third-string, sixth-round draft pick by the name of Tom Brandstater is probably going to be the starting QB this Sunday. If you just vomited a little in your mouth, I’ll give you a moment before we continue.

This may help your stomach: New England Patriot Tom Brady was a sixth-round pick and he turned out all right. And I’m not just talking about him banging super-model Giselle Bundchen. He’s a three-time Super Bowl champ, a two-time Super Bowl MVP, and he’s damn good looking. Chances are our Tom won’t be like their Tom, but I wanted to keep you from throwing up anymore.

The Broncos may be talent-deficient in some areas, but they will be coached very well and that may count for something in the end. Watching the mostly horrible preseason, there have been some flashes that this team could be all right. Not a glowing endorsement, I know, but the defense looks much better than last season (getting to the top of the bottom of the barrel isn’t that hard, is it?) and the offense has given us a couple of looks that I think shows McDaniels has a few tricks up his sleeve. Whether the seemingly talent-challenged Broncos can execute those tricks is another story.

The team has an inordinately tough schedule that even with Cutler on the roster wouldn’t pan out well. Even so, with all the doom and gloom surrounding the team, I will go on record to say the Broncos will end up with a 7-9 record. Sure it isn’t great but considering the turmoil the organization has been through this offseason, most of you would take that right? The honeymoon may never have gotten started for McDaniels, but the season is thankfully ready to begin. Let’s hope the Broncos and their fans don’t end up in divorce court.