Hospital food
Hungry for a hearty meal? Looking to save a little money? Then head on down to the, uh, hospital cafeteria, where you can have a filling and delicious lunch at a steal, surrounded by sick people, their families, and exhausted medical professionals. And there’s more: To get in, you have to lie. Maybe.
Perhaps it’s not really that necessary, but at Exempla Saint Joseph Hospital (1835 Franklin St., 303-837-7111) all visitors are required to check in at the front desk and wear an official “visitor” sticker. Confronted with this, it’s hard to tell the truth: “I’m just here to eat.” The people at the front desk are very nice, but it just sounds better to say you’re meeting someone in the cafeteria.
The cafeteria, generically named the Cafe, is lined with various hot food stations and a grab-and-go case that holds ready-made sandwiches, salads, and snacks. Fresh options include “Asian” chicken, enchiladas, thick slices of pizza, giant pretzels, and a lonely salad bar. Juicy Angus burgers are cooked to order at the “sizzle” station. It’s like Burger King! Except that when the heart attack finally comes, you’re already surrounded by doctors and nurses. Total bonus. A burger, waffle fries, and 20-ounce bottle of pop—all à la carte—comes out to less than six bucks.
The dining area is cheerful and homey, trendy even, with its muted fall colors. Sunlight streams through the window at one end of the room. One wall-mounted TV is tuned to CNN, the other to Fox News—a nod to the disgusting current state of television journalism. Away from the TVs, it’s easier to hear the latest at St. Joe’s. A table of nurses gossip about ventilators and NPO orders. Another group of ladies, mostly security staff, make fun of their coworkers with silly voices and weary groans. At the next table over, a small family discusses the progress of their matriarch, who’ll be ready to head home once she’s off that catheter.
The danger of a complete gross-out is always present, of course. The hospital holds all the nasty stuff we try to forget, the stuff hospital workers see daily. But this is life. And those burgers are pretty dang tasty.
