Investigating the cult of Five Guys Burgers
Five Guys, one burger
Above-average burgers are abundant in Colorado. Local joints like Bud’s Bar in Sedalia and The Cherry Cricket in Denver stake their reputations on their outstanding burger skills. In recent years, however, the hometown beef masters are coming under threat from out-of-state interlopers—like Five Guys Burgers and Fries.
Five Guys franchises are slowly popping up along the Front Range in sneaky locations. There aren’t any in Denver proper. Instead, the Five Guys are creeping around the city, hiding in the suburbs and quietly infiltrating Boulder, Fort Collins, and Colorado Springs.
Born in the Washington, D.C. area, Five Guys makes topping-loaded, freshly cooked burgers its specialty. It’s frequently listed among the best burger chains in the nation, mentioned alongside burger cults like In-N-Out and The Shake Shack.
Like those places, Five Guys is casual, but it takes its time with each order. Diners can take their time at the counter, too—the menu is short, but all the burger and hot dog toppings you desire are included in the price. In addition to the standards (ketchup, mayo, mustard), the Guys offer grilled mushrooms and onions, jalapeños, A1 Steak Sauce, green peppers, and other colorful, crunchy ingredients to pep up a plain meatwich.
Five Guys is also famous for its fries, cut and cooked on the premises. They’re veritable poles of potato, thickly sliced and sizzling with peanut oil. Be conservative when ordering them—a “regular” size is easily enough for two people, considering the fries’ gargantuan dimensions. Yeah, you’re hungry, but you’re probably not that hungry. Be real.
Order placed, it’s time to sit in Five Guys’ red-and-white-checked dining area and poke your nutrient-depleted brain with propaganda. Huge signs throughout the restaurant applaud the meal you are about to receive. The Five Guys are “the Willy Wonkas of burgercraft!” Prepare your heathen soul for “heaven in a bun.” Also, it’s been voted “Best Burger” approximately a million times in 500 cities, just so you know.
All of this hype makes the wait somewhat excruciating. Five Guys helpfully provides peanuts for snacking—grab a scoop and munch away. Still, by the time the blessed burgers arrive, the order’s fry-grease-soaked paper bag looks pretty tasty.
It’s the moment of truth. Can the Five Guys hamburger possibly live up to all that praise and agonized waiting? You know, it’s pretty damn good.
The beef patty—or patties, as the case may be—is cooked well and crisply charred at the edges. It’s not annihilated, however, retaining a good amount of juiciness. The sesame-seed bun is warm and super-fresh, which are under-appreciated but integral elements of any quality burger. Toppings, including the spreadable ones, are used in good proportions, ensuring the burger doesn’t turn into a gross, sloppy pile.
For a chain restaurant, Five Guys does indeed turn out a stellar hamburger. That’s because it doesn’t treat its burgers like assembly-line chain burgers. Instead, it makes them in a plain-and-simple, old-fashioned way, like countless roadside restaurants and bars used to do it. Those places still exist all over Colorado—but if you need a quick fix, Five Guys is about as close as it gets.
