Jock Itch JR Smith: worst US export ever

After a tumultuous tenure as a Denver Nugget, JR Smith packed his bags and headed off for a lucrative payday in Asia, playing for the Zhejiang Golden Bulls based out of Yiwu, Zhejiang China. Smith, like some other Nuggets, felt the NBA wasn’t coming back from its lockout and took a well-paid stab at playing overseas. What he didn’t bank on, in his infinite wisdom, was that the rest of the players would wake up one morning and realize they wanted to make some money right here in the good ol’ USA. JR Smith took his money and ran, only to be stranded in China while his NBA brethren wisely got back to work at home.

In a move that can only be described as “fucking stupid,” Smith agreed to a contract with a clause that calls for him to finish out his season in China, which is expected to run through the end of March. Few of his fellow ex-pats managed to screw themselves quite so exquisitely. Ty Lawson, the electric Nuggets point guard, played a few months in Lithuania, but was wise enough to be able to bail out once the NBA got back on track. Kenyon Martin, Smith’s old teammate in Denver, was bought out of his contract in China, and even though he can’t sign with a team until the Chinese season is over, at least he can go home and sleep in his own bed. Smith is living out a nightmare in China where he’s arguing with his coaches and allegedly faking a knee injury to get out of his contract.

Now even his relatives are showing their displeasure with the grand tradition of Chinese hoops. In an incident at a recent game, Smith’s sister became so enraged over an uncalled foul, she threw a bottle on the court, choked a female spectator, and pushed an old man. In a way less classy version of Nixon’s historic trip to China, JR’s sister summed up how he’s probably feeling right now: angry, trapped, and ready to choke some Chinese people. The country that brought you cheap labor and running over protestors with tanks has declined to pamper Smith, and there he sits: a stranger in a strange land, sitting on a pile of money he’s bitterly amassed as his old teammates go to their usual strip clubs while on the road.

What’s baffling about one of the NBA’s biggest head cases heading off to China is how he misjudged China’s hard line against these kinds of shenanigans. If he thought David Stern was hard to work for, did he really think the Chinese were going to be better? But we knew, didn’t we? Acquiescing to a prima donna American athlete has to be pretty far down on the Chinese list of acceptable scenarios. Smith is lucky he’s not being forced to make the Nikes he plays in.

JR can still play, so if he makes it back from China in one piece, he should catch on with an NBA squad. In the meantime, JR is stuck in Zhejiang with his sister fighting in the stands and a coach that likes him less than George Karl did while his teammates enjoy the fruits of being professional American athletes. It’s unclear whether Smith is just phenomenally stupid, or stubborn, or both, but this is clear: It’s tragically comic that when the US does get to export something to China besides our manufacturing jobs, the export turns out to be the farce that is JR Smith.