Living the Denver Dream
The A.V. Club's weekly sports infection
There are a million jokes to be made about the Lingerie Football League, but the fact that there really is a Lingerie Football League may get the most laughs. What started out as a pay-per-view gimmick during the halftime of Super Bowl XXXVIII in 2004 has now turned into a serious alternative sport that will make a play for your sports-crazed attention, your money, and quite possibly your loins.
Okay, maybe “serious” is a hard sell at this point because the LFL comes off like a big gag: scantily clad Hooters-type girls frolicking on the gridiron in clothing that would get them stoned to death in any Muslim country. I certainly uttered a chuckle when I first learned that the Denver Dream would represent our fair city in this fledgling league. But after digging into the website (trying not to feel like a creep) and reading over the rules and game play, I think the geniuses behind the LFL may be on to something.
No one is going to spend good money to watch professional women’s football, but throw some sparsely attired chicks out onto the field playing tackle football and you may just get some eyes (ogling probably) on a sport that you that normally wouldn’t. The ladies of lingerie will basically be playing the same game you play with your out-of-shape buddies—only your pasty, thick chums will be replaced by well-sculpted foxes wearing a matching bra/panty combo with what looks like a hockey helmet.
Here are the rules: Teams of seven women play tackle football on a 50-yard field where they will have to go for it on every fourth down because there’s no punting or kicking allowed. And the same goes for extra points: You can punch it from the two-yard line for one point or take your chances from the five-for-two points. Sounds pretty good. Regulation football combined with lingerie probably wouldn’t cut it alone, so it’s a shrewd move to tweak the rules so it’s not so horrid to watch.
Tickets are a little expensive (from $19 to $69, dude!), but your Denver Dream kicks off the season this Friday against the L.A. Temptation at Dick’s Sporting Goods Park, and if you’re still not sold, here are some things to consider before checking out the LFL:
- It’s tackle football so there is a distinct possibility that nudity could break out after a particularly egregious tackle. But if you’re expecting bad porn to develop, you’re probably out of luck—a sad, out of luck pervert, I might add.
- Games are played on Friday night, so there’s no competition from college or pro football. The high school kids who play on Friday nights, however, are very upset about this.
- Dick’s is the largest facility of any team in the LFL, so opposing squads will be dazzled by how many more unsold seats there are than at their home stadiums.
- In the LFL power rankings, your Denver Dream is third. It’s the first time in a long while that a football team from Denver has cracked the top ten in any power ranking. And if the Dream makes it to the Lingerie Bowl at the end of the season (to be broadcast at halftime of Super Bowl XLIV), you can at least say a Denver team played during the Super Bowl. It’s the little things.
