Jock Itch London calls the Broncos

On the whole, England cares about American football about as much as your average Raiders fan cares for bathing. The sport has never quite taken root in the U.K., and the average English fan tends to find it slow and confusing. They already have rugby anyway, which makes our dudes in pads seem like pussies. And, for us, their football doesn’t have enough scoring (as well as too many headbands). England and the U.S. are about equal in the hatred of each other’s pastimes, so it can seem baffling that the NFL feels the need to try and cram our sport down the throats of the English.

The league has been scheduling games in London for a while now, and the Denver Broncos are the latest team to be drafted overseas: The Broncos take on the San Francisco 49ers Oct. 31, 2010 at London’s famed Wembley Stadium. It will be the first regular season game abroad for the Broncos, and for any expatriates, this will certainly be a nice treat. There are, as well, local fans in the U.K. Years ago, I met two Scottish guys who specifically came over to watch a game at the old Mile High Stadium, and an Irishman once told me that the Broncos were popular there because the games were regularly televised in the late ’80s and early ’90s. Not only did we both agree on Stiff Little Fingers, but John Elway as well.

Some think the wear and tear of overseas travel on the players are enough reason not to play these games, but that is a weak argument. Teams that get the London gig typically have a bye the following week, due to the time change. These players are fine-tuned athletic machines that eat right and come straight home on a private jet. When I was there last, I ate nothing but fried food, drank tons of beer, and fell out of a cab in Leicester Square—and I was still able to write my column after four days rest. The Broncos will bounce back.

The team also can look forward to any wayward soccer hooligans that stumble into Wembley. The English claim to be very sophisticated, but when it comes to soccer, they can make Philadelphia Eagles fans look like Thursday night bible study.

The NFL’s insistence on marketing American football to an audience that doesn’t care much about it can be mystifying. If it’s a matter of expanding to a wider audience, why not put a team in Los Angeles? That’s in our country, right? Also, playing in London does absolutely nothing for the fans of the teams back home. It takes away a home game from one of the teams—the 49ers in this case—and, for the underachieving teams in need of home wins, this could very well be catastrophic. But, in general, there is something just a wee bit exciting about the fact that the orange and blue will be represented in one of Great Britain’s finest cities. If I could, I would make the round trip to London, just to watch Kyle Orton be mediocre on a whole new continent.