News Net Lone Ranger Colorado bound, arsenic and Occupy, and more

Since sifting through dull newspapers, hyperbolic blogs, and overflowing RSS feeds for meaningful news can be an arduous process, News Net catches and compiles both the amusing and the significant reports that were overlooked throughout the workweek. Here are some things to think about as the weekend begins.

• A Hollywood reboot of The Lone Ranger is set to co-star Johnny Depp and might even be filmed in Colorado! Casting calls will take place next month in a few Colorado cities, although you might blow it if you confuse the show for Walker, Texas Ranger. Not the same thing, at all.

• The hippies and babies must die! High amounts of arsenic recently have been found in baby formula and granola bars that include organic brown rice syrup. This is clearly a ploy by the government to sabotage the Occupy movement as well as poisoning potential future members, effectively killing two birds with one conspiracy.

• Think gas prices are getting shitty again? A new study has some news for you, it’s way more expensive in other states. As our prices near $3 a gallon, our neighbors in Arizona are already paying $3.50 a gallon, which is a good reason not to go there, in case you needed another reason to avoid the place.

• A reward of $2,000 is being offered for helping catch a suspect who robbed a Family Dollar at gunpoint just two days ago. No word on whether the reward with come in the form of cash, bank deposit, or one of every item within a Family Dollar location.

• Two women’s sporting events coming to Denver are expected to be “economic blockbusters,” bringing $42 million to the city. Let’s just hope that they’re “blockbusters” in the Transformers 2 sense, and not in the dying movie rental company sense.