Mayhem Festival 2009
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Did somebody’s grandma book the Mayhem Festival this year? Because the line-up (“a gaggle of rock’s heaviest bands,” according to the press release) reads like a well-meaning—but totally oblivious—nana CD-shopping for her 13-year-old grandson. You know, the one with the lip ring and the brood. And who, if only he would brush his hair back once in a while, could get a nice girlfriend. Yes, this lonely grandson is probably the only person on earth who can make sense of this second installment of the Mayhem Festival (er, correction: The Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival) with co-headliners Marilyn Manson and Slayer. According to Manson, “I am completely aware now that our music and our Mayhem Tour will have a negative, destructive influence on America. The bad news is that I don’t give a fuck.” (He’s right, though. Sugary energy drinks are pretty bad for you.) The roving carnival of ridiculousness kicks off July 10 in Sacramento, with a stop in Denver on Sunday, July 19, at the always toilet-sounding Fiddler’s Green. Manson and Slayer won’t be the only odd-couple pairing on the bill, either: Look out for Cannibal Corpse making Bullet For My Valentine cry like babies (before eating them). Plus the tour features a Jägermestier stage! And a Hot Topic stage! And the Metal Mulisha [sic], an extreme motocross team! Because really, what’s more metal than licorice-flavored alcohol, canned rebellion, and dirt bikes? Fucking nothing, bro.
