Jock Itch Rebrand the Rapids

There’s a trend in Major League Soccer to give American soccer teams faux European names to reflect the rich tradition of their better counterparts overseas. There’s DC United, a pretty lame nod to world famous powerhouse Manchester United. Real Salt Lake is a comical imitation of Real Madrid. Just last season, the horrifically named Kansas City Wizards rebranded as the equally bad and confusing Sporting Kansas City, an awkward tip of the cap to a team from Portugal.

Aping the superior European clubs has proven to be a fairly clumsy tribute, since no one thinks of the unique flair of Madrid when envisioning Salt Lake City. But where these teams have failed in their renaming, there is one team closer to home that has a chance to adopt a Euro-centric name and make it work.

Let’s face it, the “Rapids” name is kind of lame and is dying for a reinvention. Long before Stan Kroenke started extending his sports empire overseas, I wholeheartedly endorsed rebranding the team as Rocky Mountain Arsenal. It reflected the name of English club Arsenal, and since Dick’s Sporting Goods Park is built on a portion of the old Rocky Mountain Arsenal, it seemed like a pairing that could work. Then Kroenke actually started buying up pieces of the famed English team, and it seemed like a match made in soccer heaven. He bought a majority stake of the team back in April and is hoping to finalize his ownership later this month, but even with his name on the deed, the name change still hasn’t happened. So what is the hold up?

Part of it could be the Rapids recently changed uniform colors and logo, and it would a huge waste of money to change it before the paint was dry. The team also just won the MLS Cup as the Rapids and may want to capitalize on that as long as possible. There’s also the problem of Arsenal’s current deal with Nike, which is apparently as strict as a small-town preacher in an ’80s movie. That deal is expiring soon and Kroenke, ever the savvy businessman, is looking to strike a much more lucrative deal. When that happens, it will open up the possibility of the Rapids utilizing the Arsenal name and finally giving Denver soccer fans something cool to wear. Will it be Rocky Mountain Arsenal? Probably not; that would make too much sense. If the name does get changed, the team will go with something like Arsenal Colorado, which is still better than the Rapids or Sporting Kansas City.

So now Stan Kroenke finally has an opportunity to rebrand his team to reflect his other, more famous team not named the Nuggets, Avalanche, or St. Louis Rams. If he doesn’t do it, he’s missing out on a big opportunity to associate with a world-famous soccer powerhouse. The Rapids might be the current champ, but borrowing a little magic from the original Arsenal may be what makes the team win over a lot more fans in Colorado—or at least be the first MLS team to not mangle its attempt at a European-sounding name.