Scary movies that scared me
The Exorcist and other things worth praying about
The Exorcist
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I was raised Catholic. Very Catholic. That means Sunday Mass, Sunday school, baptism, First Communion, confirmation—the whole shebang. I endured this (and I say “endured” in the most loving of ways, ma) up until my preteen years, when rock music and boys became my new religion. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt any kind of Catholic guilt; lately, though, I have been feeling bad for the church and its ostensible leaders. And by bad, I mean like when your best friend starts dating some Spencer Pratt-type tool, and you really want to say something but you can’t. So instead, you just wince on the inside whenever the dude shows up with his bleached tips and that insipidly vacant look in his eyes. Like, seriously, how gross is that?
Among the Roman Catholic Church’s equally cringe-worthy moments: the whole our-priests-are-pedophiles for one thing. And then there was the incident last month with the Holocaust-denying bishop who later apologized, but the damage was already done. And last summer it was the Vatican vs. America’s A-list bore—Tom Hanks. Hanks and company planned on filming parts of Angels & Demons (the prequel to The Da Vinci Code that's due out this May) inside historic Roman churches, but they were denied access by the Vatican.
It’s true that Angels is overtly anti-Catholic in theme, at least against the institution of it. And while Pope Benny may not want that kind of press, what the brooding religious leader fails to realize is how effective quasi-Catholic films can be in keeping people kneeling and praying. As a young Catholic girl, my God-fearing was spurred just as much from horror movies as it was from the pulpit. The more gore I saw, the more I wanted to believe in God. And the more I wanted to believe, the more I prayed—however hollow—during mass. Which is exactly what Catholic guilt is all about, right?
In light of the Museum Of Contemporary Art Denver’s screening of the original version of The Omen tomorrow, here are the top three horror movies that kept me Catholic and scared shitless, in no particular order:
1. The Omen (1976): Young Damien Thorn is the literal spawn of Satan, and he eventually kills his nanny, his priest, and both of his adoptive parents. The credits roll as the prepubescent orphan boy walks hand-in-hand with the president. The devil in human form is walking among us? This definitely kept me away from creepy-looking boys in black until, well, I became attracted to creepy-looking boys in black.
2. Pet Sematary: Undead children and their undead pets have always been unsettling—especially ones with adorable blond curls and scalpels. If anything, this movie taught me that the resurrected are good at teaching life lessons in morality. You know, like Jesus.
3. The Exorcist: More than any other movie, this one kept me up at night for about a decade after I saw it. I was 6 years old at the time (you can blame that on irresponsible older brothers). To this day, I still flinch at the sight of it and at the knowledge that the Roman Catholic Church continues to perform exorcisms. Now, that’s scary.
It’s true that Angels is overtly anti-Catholic in theme, at least against the institution of it. And while Pope Benny may not want that kind of press, what the brooding religious leader fails to realize is how effective quasi-Catholic films can be in keeping people kneeling and praying. As a young Catholic girl, my God-fearing was spurred just as much from horror movies as it was from the pulpit. The more gore I saw, the more I wanted to believe in God. And the more I wanted to believe, the more I prayed—however hollow—during mass. Which is exactly what Catholic guilt is all about, right?
In light of the Museum Of Contemporary Art Denver’s screening of the original version of The Omen tomorrow, here are the top three horror movies that kept me Catholic and scared shitless, in no particular order:
1. The Omen (1976): Young Damien Thorn is the literal spawn of Satan, and he eventually kills his nanny, his priest, and both of his adoptive parents. The credits roll as the prepubescent orphan boy walks hand-in-hand with the president. The devil in human form is walking among us? This definitely kept me away from creepy-looking boys in black until, well, I became attracted to creepy-looking boys in black.
2. Pet Sematary: Undead children and their undead pets have always been unsettling—especially ones with adorable blond curls and scalpels. If anything, this movie taught me that the resurrected are good at teaching life lessons in morality. You know, like Jesus.
3. The Exorcist: More than any other movie, this one kept me up at night for about a decade after I saw it. I was 6 years old at the time (you can blame that on irresponsible older brothers). To this day, I still flinch at the sight of it and at the knowledge that the Roman Catholic Church continues to perform exorcisms. Now, that’s scary.
