Shampoo reviews with The Knew

We live in a golden age of consumerism. And though Marxists have declared our form of capitalism as a phenomenon in decline, you wouldn’t know it from the sheer volume of products available for purchase—from overstuffed display racks touting tiny, impulse buys to the funky, cultural detritus of a SkyMall catalog to the great, swirling nebula of internet commerce.

Given the wealth of goods available, we are faced with the hard decisions of separating need from want and sorting through the myriad of lifestyle products tailored to suit our every fancy. Purchasing shampoo, for example, should be a simple task. But how can you truly make an informed decision on hair care in the face of such overwhelming abundance?

To help you narrow the field of options, The A.V. Club asked Denver-based roots-rockers (and verifiable hair experts) The Knew—who play Friday at the Hi-Dive with The Swayback and The Photo Atlas—to review a selection of shampoos culled from the vast spectrum of hair care quality. Each member of the band was given a bottle of shampoo and asked to elucidate its relative merits. (The video of them singing in the shower was entirely their own doing.)

Tim Rynders, bassist
Shampoo: Axe Dual 2-in-1
TR: It’s pretty powerful [on scent]. It’s meant to capture your attention from a good 15 or 20 feet away. When it’s on your head, you feel like you’re in a chemical processing facility. Even now that it’s supposedly off of my head, I feel pretty pungent. It would definitely cover up a B.O. problem.

Patrick Bowden, drummer
Shampoo: Pantene Pro-V 
PB: It’s a classic shampoo scent. It reminds you of middle school or your grandmother’s house, not like the stuff my wife has been washing her hair with the last few years.

I could use some conditioner in this dry air. It feels a little dried out, a little harsh. It feels like a shampoo that needs some conditioner. Not every shampoo is a two-in-one. Not every shampoo can be Axe.

Tyler Breuer, guitarist
Shampoo: Aveda Pure-formance 
TB: The scent is refreshing. It’s got a little bit of a Christmas spice to it, and it’s something that’ll linger on for a few hours. I couldn’t see myself in a mirror, but it took more than a handful of water gun shots to my face to take [the suds] off. I think it’ll be good for my facial hair.

Jacob Hansen, singer-guitarist
Shampoo: Giovanni Tea Tree Triple Treat
JH: It smelled a little bit like Christmas. It was very minty, very pepperminty. It tingled, like those peppermint twists that you can get at Cracker Barrel. They’re almost butter based, and they are delicious. They leave your mouth invigorated and then afterwards you have sugar-shit mouth. Hopefully my hair doesn’t end up with that sugar-shit mouth feeling afterwards.

The suds were pretty epic. They kept building on top of each other [in] an epic swell. I washed my hair this morning, so it was like drinking first thing in the morning. It was a really quick suds-up.