Strip club cuisine

Looking for a nice rack and hot plate? Forget Hooters. Its softcore-variety waitresses and greasy wings leave much to be desired for the gentleman with something more mature and exciting in mind. If you prefer prime rib to fried chicken and topless entertainment to teeny tank tops, several of Colorado’s best gentlemen’s clubs (ahem, strip joints) have full-service kitchens offering up steaks, shrimp, and hot dogs with an atypical Mile High view. Food quality is subjective, as is your wallet size, but here are Decider’s top choices for the best-looking menus at some of the state’s most notorious nudie bars.

Diamond Cabaret & Steakhouse
Being an actual steakhouse, Diamond Cabaret’s menu has the upper hand on its mealtime competitors with a wide range of fancy entrées, from the Beluga caviar appetizer to a 32-ounce porterhouse steak. The Diamond’s dining experience features a champagne room with pool tables and an elegant atmosphere where patrons can enjoy a plate of Alaskan king crab legs alongside a private show. In addition to a wide array of surf and turf selections, this Cadillac of Denver gentlemen’s clubs also offers salads and big-production entrées prepared tableside. Smartly leaving the prices off the menu, the Diamond Cabaret knows money is the last thing on a diner’s mind while he’s enjoying a lap dance and a lobster tail.

Platinum 84 
If a New York Strip isn’t in your budget, Platinum 84 serves up $3 hot dogs and $1.50 Maryland crab balls all day, every day. Like a Sonic but with extra perks, most of Platinum’s menu is under $7, so a lunchtime burger and some girly action come easily and cheap. Not the strip-club type? The North Denver spot’s kitchen also caters its fine fare, and provides plenty of other attractions like pool and foosball tables, beer-pong tournaments, and the occasional live band. For old-school Denverites, think of Platinum 84 as the Celebrity Sports Center of gentleman’s clubs.

Shotgun Willie’s
Judging by the website alone, Shotgun Willie’s looks like the Disneyland of strip joints, as a cartoon Willie himself invites patrons into the virtual version of Denver’s most infamous gentleman’s club. Once you get past the stripper avatars (who giggle when your mouse runs over their gyrating bodies), a full menu appears offering everything from club sandwiches to salmon Florentine, complete with creepy photographs of each entrée. Shotgun’s nicely priced lunch specials rotate daily, from Monday’s $5.95 Italian sausage sandwich to Friday’s spectacular $6.95 prime rib. But the menu’s true highlight is the shrimp fernando, a $16.95 heart attack of eight big shrimp stuffed with cheese, wrapped in bacon, deep fried, and served with chips and salsa. Fried food and nearly naked women in an Old West atmosphere? It doesn’t get any more Denver than that.