Jock Itch The atheist’s guide to loving Tim Tebow

God just made our sunsets a little brighter this week: The Denver Broncos chose Tim Tebow—college star and very vocal pro-lifer—as their surprising second pick in this year’s draft. As an atheist who loathes college football, I can’t say I’m a fan of Tebow’s churchy shtick. I cringe every time an athlete thanks God for helping him win, never stopping to wonder why He made the other guys lose. And though Tebow’s probably a good guy who inspires people with his story, he’s also the stereotype of the obnoxious Christian that’s always blathering on about his faith and bumming me out with his John 3:16 eye black. Yet in spite of all my reservations about him and the Broncos’ sanity, I do, in fact, love me some Tim Tebow.

This is probably the most reckless draft pick ever committed by any NFL team—and I love it. It could end up a disaster. But given the emotional yo-yoing the team has put us through over the last two seasons, I’m ready for something even more outrageous. Much of the Broncos' fan base doesn’t seem to feel as good about it as I do, though. A friend of mine sent me this text following the draft: “Tebow will go down as the worst first pick ever for the Broncos.” Sports writers are just as pessimistic, with some predicting that this will be Coach Josh McDaniels’ express ticket out of town.

But at this point, McDaniels doesn’t have much to lose with the fans, and he may be forcing his detractors’ hands with this pick. Either Tebow breaks out as the quarterback fans have pined for since John Elway retired and everybody can finally shut the hell up, or it will be a calamity of biblical proportions and McDaniels will pack up. The pick was pretty absurd, but why the hell not? Yes, McDaniels may go down as the guy who ruined the Broncos, but isn’t that really owner Pat Bowlen’s fault for hiring the guy?

What really seems to divide people on Tebow is his Jesus fixation. Lots of people love him for that, but many others despise him for his overbearing Christian sway. But when the Jesus freak became a Bronco, he became our Jesus freak. Because of that, I’d rather judge him on how well he plays, and not on his religious leanings. Unless he tries to make me pray with him—that will be awkward.

And even though most feel that McDaniels and Bowlen have lost their damn minds, I think Tebow will be Denver’s next great quarterback. But not this season. He’s not ready, and we already have Kyle Orton and Brady Quinn battling it out for playing time. (I’m sure there are plenty of college football devotees who can give me a boring explanation as to why I’m wrong on that one.) There has to be something to Tebow that the Broncos would take such a leap of—ahem—faith on him.

So what happens then when Tebow hoists the Lombardi Trophy, winning a third Super Bowl for the Denver Broncos and he thanks his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? I’ll put on some Slayer and rest easy knowing that a God I don’t actually believe exists is looking out for the Broncos. After all, that’s why sunsets are orange, right?