The great pumpkin-flavored anything
My all-time favorite season is fall (some call it autumn, and by “some” I mean snobs). You get to wear sexy coats and scarves, nature looks all pretty and shit, plus you get to dress up like an idiot and be drunk on a clearly superior pagan holiday. But, for me, even those tremblingly beautiful parts of the season are overshadowed by one insatiable desire: a hunger for all things pumpkin-flavored.
I don’t remember the first time I tried pumpkin pie, but I like to think that I reached puberty that day, if you know what I mean. Ever since then, I’ve never been satisfied by just one slice of pie at Thanksgiving. “Thanks, Grandma Kelly,” I’ll say, “but I’ve got a hunger for pumpkin that just won’t quit.” And during the fall season, pumpkin-flavored delights are just everywhere for my taking. And so begins the yearly hunt.
An obvious place to start, or so it would seem, is Starbucks. Their pumpkin spice lattes are well-known among yuppies everywhere, but I just can't bring myself to buy from the Seattle chain, even for the taste of that sweet, orange goo, so instead I go to 7-11 (one of many on East Colfax) to try its pumpkin spice instant cappuccino. You know the machine: grab a cup, push a button, and brown liquid shoots out. It’s awful coffee, all sugar and water, but that pumpkin spice—the first taste of the year for me—feels like the sweetest thing that I’ve ever poured down my throat. I’ve got a taste for it now and I want more, so it’s down the street to Good Times for a Pumpkin Spoonbender. Boom. Sugar high and a pumpkin fix. Then, since Argonaut Liquors (700 E. Colfax Ave., 303-831-7788) is right there, I decide—as I so often do—that I need a six-pack. Argonaut currently boasts four seasonal beers: Jack’s Pumpkin Spice Ale from Michelob, America’s Original Pumpkin Ale from Buffalo Bill’s Brewery, Pumpkin Lager from Lakefront Brewery, and—the one I settle on—Southampton’s Publick House Pumpkin Ale. The result? Delightful. Not too sweet, just the right amount of spice, and a hint of vanilla that tastes like whipped cream.
The real sweet meat of my day was to come next: I’d heard whisperings in the trees about a legendary pumpkin whoopie pie at The Shoppe (3103 E. Colfax Ave, 303-322-3969) and, as it turns out, it’s real and it’s fucking delicious. Essentially two moist, cakey pumpkin cookies sandwiched around a glob of cream cheese frosting—it may be the best pumpkin-flavored treat I’ve ever devoured, and that’s saying something. I sample the pumpkin chocolate cupcake and the pumpkin cheesecake as well. The former is a cupcake made with chocolate chips, topped with a lighter, fluffier frosting; the latter is a tiny cake that eats like pumpkin pie with a cheesecake aftertaste. I also sip—what else?—a pumpkin spice latte that likely blows Starbucks’ too-sugary, too-processed beverage out of the water. You can taste the pumpkin and the espresso!
There’s still more orange-colored goods to be had in the city—a Shipyard Pumpkin Ale among Vine Street Pub’s (1700 Vine St., 303-546-0886) rotating beer selection and homemade pumpkin ice cream at Sweet Action (52 Broadway, 303-282-4645)—but I put a cap on my day here. After two cups of coffee, four cupcakes, a six-pack of beer, and a Spoonbender, I’m starting to feel a little sick. But it’s certainly not the end of the season for me, and I’ll be enjoying these fall flavors until the cold, dead hands of winter take them away from me—except I won’t be trying any actual pumpkin. You know, the vegetable? Can you believe some people eat that shit raw? Gross.
