This ad brought to you by the Colorado Rockies
What's a Twitter?
More Jock Itch
With the Colorado Rockies season opener just two weeks away in Milwaukee, I could bore you with the advanced defensive metrics of Troy Tulowitzki—the Dungeons & Dragons of baseball stats—but the good folks over at Purple Row do a fine job of that already. (The Rockies blog is a must for any fan looking for deep statistical analysis.) Me? I’m more into breaking down the on-base percentage of pop culture, so I’ll stick with something I know: TV commercials. The Rockies produce a series of promotional ads before every season, and the newest batch has just been released. While many feel that these ads are the height of cornball, no other local sports team has done even a comparable job of consistently promoting its own club. And the commercials are actually pretty good. For baseball players anyway.
What’s a Twitter?
It’s a good thing Todd Helton signed a new deal that will effectively keep him on the team until he retires, because he has a far better chance at the Hall of Fame than he does an Oscar. Here Todd solidifies his old-man status by not knowing what Twitter is and then sufficiently busting Dexter Fowler’s balls. It’s hokey, but Fowler, with his nonplussed reaction, shines in this ad. If Fowler can steal bases like he steals this show, he’ll have a good season.
Translation, please
It’s nice to see the diversity of an MLB clubhouse showcased here, specifically the Rockies players being on the same wavelength even if they don’t speak the same language. I had my crack team of translators work on this for me to see if there was any more to Carlos Gonzalez asking for a nail clipper, and I was told that the speed at which he talks and with the regional slang he uses (Gonzalez is from Venezuela), it’s hard to get an exact translation. There is a punch line though—Gonzalez telling Helton he needs to build trust in a relationship before asking for the clipper—and you don’t need to know Spanish to get the joke.
Lost in translation
On the other hand, the huge language barrier of the modern MLB clubhouse is clearly seen here. Even though Chris Iannetta is trying to speak Spanish, he’s failing miserably. The other players take it in stride, but it comes off as a dumb white guy sketch that even Carlos Mencia might find beneath him. The payoff with the baby products salvages it from being a total disaster, though.
Manager of year
“Jesus is my homeboy” is so early 21st century. It’s obvious the Rockies are unconcerned with played-out T-shirt slogans with this nod to manager Jim Tracy’s Christ-like influence on the team. Is this spot claiming him to be some sort of god? I hope so, because Tracy deserves a lot of credit for raising the pathetic 2009 team from the dead and bringing it to that season’s playoffs. I don’t think cardboard cut-outs will aid in potty training (I’ve tried), but this spot does hint at how valuable the Rockies manager really is.
Show and tell
Cute and harmless, this spot shows the playful side of the team. And it’s always a good thing to remind people how wholesome and family-friendly going to a baseball game can be, excluding opening day—that’s a big fucking booze fest.
Junior and senior
This is probably the best of the bunch. Eric Young Sr. is one of the more famous Rockies to don the purple pinstripes, having hit a home run on his first ever at-bat of the team in 1993. His son, the younger Young, is a talented up-and-comer who may see a lot of more action this season, albeit in a backup role. He’s also pretty good as the put-upon child of a famous Rockie. It makes for a good commercial. And maybe Boo-Boo and Wooby can help him crack the lineup this season.
Just in case you didn’t get enough, here’s the blooper reel:
