Tim And Eric Chrimbus Spectacular product guide

Adult Swim weirdos Tim and Eric bring their Chrimbus Spectacular 2010 to the Ogden Theatre on Tuesday, and the air is electric with anticipation (or heavy with dread, if you’re one of T&E’s loudmouthed legion of haters). The live show—which also features hangdog loser comedian Neil Hamburger and T&E rock band Pusswhip Banggang—promises to be full of holiday delight for hardcore fans. Fortunately, the fine folks at Cinco, Tim and Eric’s fictional all-purpose global conglomerate, have plenty of products to help devoted fans prepare for the extravaganza. Here are five that would be handy come Chrimbus time.

Thocks 
Guys: Need to add some sexy flair to your Chrimbus Spectacular ensemble? Pick up a pair of Thocks and give everyone something to talk about. Don’t be surprised if you get some digits from foxy fellow T&E fans. 

D-Pants 
You’re enjoying the show, having a great time and then, suddenly—cursed diarrhea strikes! You’ll have to go to the restroom and miss part of the concert! Not with D-Pants. Wear them under your regular pants and you’ll never have to leave a show because of your angry colon. Grab a prime spot at the venue and hold it down confidently, knowing your secret is safe—as long as everything stays, uh, fluid.

Cigarette Juice 
Smokers face a struggle at almost any special occasion: Leave the fun to have a puff, or claw at your skin until the party’s over? Struggle no more: Cigarette Juice is the perfect way to satisfy your nicotine cravings without stepping outside or violating no-smoking laws. Sneak a can with you wherever you can’t light up and never feel the sting of nicotine withdrawal. Just remember to wear dark colors to avoid staining.

Candy Tails 
You’re going to need to keep your energy up during the show, so bring along a couple Candy Tails as snacks. Just load them with sugary syrup and candy bits, clip them on your noggin, and get ready to celebrate. Don’t worry, dudes, there’s special Candy Tails for boys, and the Candy Bangs are great for Colorado’s active lifestyle. 

Cinco-Fone  
Make the Cinco-Fone a part of your busy day and you’ll be able to connect with pals before and after the show. The Fone has only one convenient button, and doesn’t receive calls—that way, you can enjoy Tim And Eric without interruption. The Fone does get hot during use, which is a good thing on cold Colorado nights. Be sure to keep the Fone’s included tube of cooling gel with you to soothe second-degree burns.