Top Three: We Were Promised Jetpacks

Not to spoil the iPad’s party, but this is the 21st century, the century in which misguided futurists and sci-fi novelists promised us things far more magnificent than tablet computers: flying cars, robot butlers, and, of course, jetpacks. It kind of makes touch-screen computing seem shallow in comparison, doesn’t it? Having recently graduated college, the men of Scotland post-punk act We Were Promised Jetpacks—which plays this Saturday, March 6, at the Hi-Dive in support of last year’s debut, These Four Walls—have their minds on the future, and they don’t really like what they see. Economic gloom and the demise of the recording industry aside, they’re still impatiently awaiting that brave new world, and guitarist Michael Palmer is ready to help guide the next generation of inventors with a list of the top three things we should have by now.

A passport location device
Michael Palmer: We just spent most of the whole morning in Vienna visiting the British embassy trying to get a replacement passport for Adam [Thompson, singer-guitarist]. It’s either been lost or stolen. None of us can work out where it could be or what happened. We’ve managed to get ourselves a replacement, but it was a bit worrying for a while. So, some kind of tracking device in a passport would be wonderful. Just something so that you know where it is, like a radio signal. It’s been a bit of stress today.

The A.V. Club: Wouldn’t it just be easier to use retinal scans like in Minority Report or something biometric like that?

MP: Then you’re only in danger of losing yourself altogether.

A Jurassic Park
MP: I absolutely wish we had a Jurassic Park, if only you could maybe take away the last 15 minutes of the movie. The rest of the world will be safe as long as we get rid of the ones that can fly or swim and just keep the big ones, like tyrannosaurs, on the island where they belong.

AVC: Why stop with dinosaurs? What about animals like wooly mammoths and saber-toothed tigers?

MP: We can’t get too greedy. [Laughs.] Maybe we should just stick with dinosaurs. That’s enough for any island’s caretaker to worry about. 

Willy Wonka’s various accomplishments
MP: In Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, at the end of the movie, Charlie and Willy get in this Wonkavator, a glass elevator, and they can go in all these directions. They just fly around. That’d be cool, but I’d rather try the lickable wallpaper. It has all the different fruits. You’d get to taste the snozzberry! [Laughs.] There probably aren’t many scientists working on that these days, but there should be. You know what it’s like these days—they’re all looking for more important things, like stem-cell research and all that nonsense. Pitch that and get back to recreating everything from that entire movie, the old ’70s version.

AVC: Was the remake another one of your big letdowns of the 21st century?

MP: Yeah, it was. It was enjoyable and everything, but it was nowhere near as good as the original. I’m a bit nervous of the Alice In Wonderland remake, but that’s (directed by) Tim Burton as well, and the Tim Burton law of averages says it’s going to be good.