Just Announced Van Halen to exhaust the continent’s interest in Van Halen on lengthy 2012 tour

Following a cozy gig at New York’s Café Wha? last evening, the hard rock stalwarts and veteran sellers of records in Van Halen announced their expansive 2012 tour, much anticipated by uncles across North America. The David Lee Roth-fronted lineup—sorry Red Rocker and Gary Cherone fan(s)—is touring in support of its forthcoming record, A Different Kind Of Truth. This is the band’s first album with Roth since he rejoined the group in 2006, and one which they will ideally play zero songs from on the upcoming tour. Filled out by master shredder Eddie Van Halen on guitar, Eddie’s brother Alex on drums, and Eddie’s son Wolfgang on bass, Roth is basically heading up a Van Halen version of The Partridge Family.

So dust off your dad’s (or mom’s) scrunched up spandex catsuit and try to remember all the lyrics to “Panama.” (It’s basically just the word “Panama” over and over.) Van Halen’s 2012 trek will begin at North America’s most rock ’n’ roll venue, Louisville’s KFC Yum! Center, Feb. 18; high kick across the U.S. and Canada, including a May 24 date at the Pepsi Center; and continue until late June. At that point, Van Halen will wither back into obscurity, never to be heard from again until the next time you accidentally dial past a classic rock FM radio station and hear half a second of “Drop Dead Legs.”

Feb. 18—KFC Yum! Center—Louisville, Kentucky
Feb. 20—The Palace of Auburn Hills—Detroit, Michigan
Feb. 22—Bankers Life Fieldhouse—Indianapolis, Indiana
Feb. 24—United Center—Chicago, Illinois
Feb. 28—Madison Square Garden—New York, New York
March 1—Madison Square Garden—New York, New York
March 3—Mohegan Sun Arena—Uncasville, Connecticut
March 5—Wells Fargo Center—Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
March 9—First Niagara Center—Buffalo, New York
March 11—TD Garden—Boston, Massachusetts
March 15—Bell Centre—Montreal, Quebec
March 17—Air Canada Centre—Toronto, Ontario
March 21—Scotiabank Place—Ottawa, Ontario
March 24—Boardwalk Hall—Atlantic City, New Jersey
March 28—Verizon Center—Washington, D.C.
March 30—Consol Energy Center—Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
April 1—Allstate Arena—Rosemont, Illinois
April 10—BankAtlantic Center—Fort Lauderdale, Florida
April 12—St. Pete Times Forum—Tampa, Florida
April 14—Amway Arena—Orlando, Florida
April 16—Jacksonville Arena—Jacksonville, Florida
April 19—Philips Arena—Atlanta, Georgia
April 21—Greensboro Coliseum—Greensboro, North Carolina
April 25—Time Warner Cable Arena—Charlotte, North Carolina
April 27—Bridgestone Arena—Nashville, Tennessee
May 1—BOK Center—Tulsa, Oklahoma
May 5—Tacoma Dome—Tacoma, Washington
May 7—Rogers Arena—Vancouver, British Columbia
May 9—Scotiabank Saddledome—Calgary, Alberta
May 11—Rexall Place—Edmonton, Alberta
May 17—MTS Centre—Winnipeg, Manitoba
May 19—Xcel Energy Center—St. Paul, Minnesota
May 22—Sprint Center—Kansas City, Missouri
May 24—Pepsi Center—Denver, Colorado
May 27—MGM Grand Garden Arena—Las Vegas, Nevada
June 1—Staples Center—Los Angeles, California
June 3—Oracle Arena—Oakland, California
June 5—HP Pavilion—San Jose, California
June 12—Honda Center—Anaheim, California
June 14—Viejas Arena—San Diego, California
June 16—US Airways Center—Phoenix, Arizona
June 20—American Airlines Center—Dallas, Texas
June 22—AT&T Center—San Antonio, Texas
June 24—Toyota Center—Houston, Texas
June 26—New Orleans Arena—New Orleans, Louisiana