Jock Itch What not to wear when you're 4-0

The Broncos are an amazing 4-0 after defeating the Dallas Cowboys this past Sunday. Did anyone see this coming? Hardly. The irrational message-board haters have abandoned their posts—quite literally—due to the lack of any leg to stand on. The guy whose avatar is a picture of Broncos coach Josh McDaniels with “IDIOT” stamped over his head hasn’t been heard from in weeks. I’d send out a search party, but frankly I think he choked to death on his own righteous indignation toward our city’s besmirched football heroes.

I, for one, will take the high road and welcome the rats back to the so-called sinking ship—just as long as they don’t try to change their predicted win total for the Broncos.

I’m already seeing it all over: Scott Hastings of 104.3 The Fan mumbled recently that he “may have to change his guess to six games” after predicting a meager four before the season got underway. Ex-Bronco Reggie Rivers weaseled out of his early prediction and, without a hint of shame, adjusted his guess to fit the team’s early success.

I won’t back off on my 7-9 prediction, even though I think they will exceed that. The difference is when they surpass what I’ve predicted, I’ll do a little dance with each extra win, not grumble and make excuses like so many in the Mile High are now doing.

But all this goodwill could be undone as the Broncos take on the New England Patriots this Sunday at Invesco Field, and it won’t be the anemic offense doing the damage: To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the AFL, the Broncos and the Patriots will transport back 50 years and don their original uniforms for this game.

Conceived in 1960 as a rival to the NFL, the AFL was eventually folded into it about 10 years later. The teams then included your Denver Broncos, the Boston Patriots (now New England), Buffalo Bills, Dallas Texans (now the Kansas City Chiefs), Houston Oilers (now the Tennessee Titans), Los Angeles Chargers (now San Diego), New York Titans (now the Jets), and the Oakland Raiders. All eight teams will wear a replica of their original uniform twice this season, and the Broncos are particularly blessed with a retro outfit that rivals anything cooked up in the feverish imagination of a first-grader with a box of earth-tone crayons.

I don’t mind the white-and-brown uniform combo so much, and even the mustard-colored throwback isn’t all that bad—but it’s the ridiculous striped socks that make the whole thing land with a wet thud. These abominations make the Broncos look like they’re serving tables at Bennigan’s rather than shocking the country with their improbable 4-0 start.

I know it celebrates an anniversary, but who really wants to see these uniforms? No one who’s still alive or in charge of their faculties, that’s for sure. After two years, the socks were scrapped and the players allegedly burned them—and nothing screams success like folks gathering and burning something on a pyre. Why not bring back the classic ’80s uniforms, the orange or white jerseys with the blue helmet and the bronco busting through the “D”? Everyone can get on board with those, and if the Broncos have to lose this weekend, I want them do it in a cool uniform, not one that reminds people of mustard and the waning moments of Dwight Eisenhower’s presidency.

Broncos cynics and naysayers, where are you now when we actually need you to speak up?