Whoops, there it is: 14 years of Suburban Home's biggest mistakes

To err is human. To really mess things up, you need a record label. Nobody gets through 14 years in the music business without making a few missteps, and in preparation for Suburban Home Records' 14th-anniversary shows this weekend, Sept. 11-12, at 3 Kings Tavern, label head Virgil Dickerson 'fessed up to 14 of his favorite (and not so favorite) lapses of judgment while running the Denver-based label.

1. Starting the label
Virgil Dickerson: I've got a Korean mom who can't fully grasp why I would do something for fun that's not as stable as a real job. More times than not when we talk, she brings up the question of whether or not I've ever thought of going back to school.

2. Signing bands for love, not money
VD: A lot of smarter labels have signed shitty bands that are doing what's popular. They're putting out the worst music on the planet from kids I'd rather beat up than have a business relationship with. Regardless of if people like the music I put out, I couldn't imagine doing it any other way.

3. Studying molecular biology in college
VD: I definitely don't know what I'm doing. I'm just doing it. I've learned more from all the mistakes that I've made than I actually did in my education. Had I taken some business courses in college, I think I could have avoided some of the mistakes I've made.

4. Hiring a hippie intern
VD: I knew that I made a mistake when he took off his shirt and there was a tie-dye underneath it. That was reinforced when we went to a show and he was skanking all over the venue, up and down stairs. It's kind of weird firing someone you don't pay.

5. Shooting for chain-store sales
VD: We paid to get placement. We spent money on co-op marketing and got some CDs into Best Buy and Virgin Megastore and Tower. Every time, all those CDs came back returned. It was a big waste of money.

6. Misunderstanding indie distribution
VD: Independent distribution is such a broken model. You manufacture a shit-load of CDs and get them out there, and the idea is that within the first six or nine months of the life of the record, a good percentage come back. You've already been paid on them, and before you know it, you're at a negative balance with the distributor. That left us holding a big old bag of debt and we almost went out of business.

7. Drinking too much at anniversary shows
VD: There's been a couple of times I've worn a shirt that says "No shots, please." I can't handle it anymore. I just have to stay away from shots. I think half the tales on this list could be me over-drinking.

8. Drinking too much at anniversary shows and paying bands
VD: When we have these shows, promoters come to settle with me and divvy up all the money with these bands. It's my party. I want to get drunk. There's been times when I've had a big old pile of money and tried to count it, and it's not making sense.

9. Drinking too much at anniversary shows and eating corn while being videotaped
VD:  There's lots of bad photos and videos of me when I'm wasted. I have no shame. We've all been there. Not all of us have it on video on the Internet, though.

10. Nomadic label headquarters
VD: We've moved eight times in 14 years. If you saw how much stock we had, you'd be like, "Dude, you're staying here." There was a time when we could enlist our friends to help us move. None of them want to anymore.

11. Not running a digital label
VD: God, if I was a label that just promoted digital music, I could have a nice little office downtown above a restaurant or bar. It's just a computer on a desk. [Physical] storage is a huge expense.

12. Cover art embarrassments
VD: The absolute worst album art we put out was Homeless Wonders' Another One Of Those Days. A friend of theirs did this drawing. I didn't have the experience to be able to tell a band, "Dude, this album cover sucks. It ain't happening."

13. Buying into the hype machine
VD: We put in more money behind Ghost Buffalo than any band before them. It just didn't pan out. We did college radio. We did press. We did a video. We hired a video promoter. That was the biggest waste of money we've ever done.

14. Not being a hipster
VD: There was a point when I was really digging some hipster music. If it's good music, it's good music, but Pitchfork, that's the biggest load of bullshit on the planet.