Will you love Toby Keith’s new bar and grill at Northfield Stapleton?

As ironic restaurant outings go, Casa Bonita has long been the tacky eatery of choice among Denver denizens, with its cliff divers and haunted tunnels and inedible sopapillas. But it looks like the Casa is soon to be edged out. There’s a new dog coming to town. A strapping, guitar-slinging, kick-yer-teeth-in sumbitch of a dog, and he don’t give a good goddamn about some kitschy, two-dollar Mexican joint on the east side of town.

Or perhaps you haven’t heard of Toby Keith?

He’s the shit-kicking country superstar with 13 studio albums and 19 No.1 hits, who also suplexed Jeff Jarrett on Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, feuded with the Dixie Chicks, pimped Ford trucks by essentially calling you a pussy for not having one, and—oh yes—wrote the post-9/11 anthem “Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American).” Sample lyrics: “Justice will be served / And the battle will rage / This big dog will fight / When you rattle his cage / And you’ll be sorry you messed with the U.S. of A / ’Cause we’ll put a boot in your ass / It’s the American way.”

The American way apparently also has a lot to do with sucking every last penny out of your larger-than-life brand, which is why somewhere during his hoedown to the top, Keith managed to slap his name on a chain of incomprehensibly large bar and grills.

Or perhaps you haven’t heard of Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill?

That’s actually what it’s called. It’s named after one of his songs or something. A song you should probably familiarize yourself with, because come Aug. 15, I Love This will fling open its doors as Denver’s newest venue for a night out served with a heaping side dish of I Can’t Believe This Fucking Exists.

“Denver is a natural market for an I Love This bar,” explains PR caballero Paul Sewell. “It’s a tremendous country music market and a large fan base for Toby.”

By Denver, of course, Sewell means Northfield Stapleton (8340 Northfield Blvd., 303-375-5475), the sprawling, Herculean mega-mall by the highway to the airport that already houses such monoliths as the Bass Pro Shop and a movie theater big enough to entertain mastodons. It’s the perfect setting for Keith’s 18,000-square-foot bar/restaurant/concert venue, a joint that will feature more than 50 television screens, 100 pieces of Keith memorabilia, and, of course, the signature 85-foot red, white, and blue guitar that hangs from the ceiling and outlines the central bar at all I Love This locations.

But fuck the shit on the walls, what about the grub? Once diners are able to surgically remove their tongues from their cheeks upon entering, they’ll be able to feast on such I Love This Southern staples as Freedom Fries, Whiskey Girl Wings, and a selection of Big Daddy Burgers (including the popular American Soldier burger, presumably not made with real American soldier).

While Keith may not be the one tugging the strings on the concept chain restaurant anymore—that’s seemingly his business partner’s job—he’ll still be stopping by sometime in the fall for a grand opening celebration that the franchise is confident will set the tone for a long and successful run in Colorado.

“We’re excited to be a part of Denver’s legacy as a great country music town,” Sewell says. “Whether you want to watch live country music, dance, watch the big game, ride our mechanical bull Toby, or just come in to eat, Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar And Grill has a little something for everyone. We hope you leave saying, ‘I love this bar!’”                        

Patrons no doubt will. But whether it’s for the reasons the Keith empire envisioned is another question altogether.