My boyfriend and I are in college and doing the long-distance thing until June 2013. Over the years, he’s granted me increasing amounts of freedom to be intimate with women—I’m female, and date women while we’re apart—but I still don’t have full autonomy. It’s much better than it used to be, but lately another one of my “needs” has been eating at me: my masochism. He’s repeatedly refused me permission to let someone lay into me with a flogger. That’s all I ask! In order to abide by the rules of his jealousy, am I missing out on a huge facet of the best years of my life? I don’t even want to have anything sexual with the person who flogs me! I just want them to beat me! And this might be relevant: He has the freedom to do whatever he wishes but—God only knows why—he never indulges in anything more than the odd vanilla woman here and there. Also, I’m not allowed to attend fetish clubs because he knows I’ll make bad choices if I do (I’ll play!), but the burner and fetish ...

I broke up with a girl who wasn’t hot enough for me. I tried my whole life to not be that kind of guy. I treated her carelessly because she wasn’t that important to me. I was self-indulgent and rude and disrespectful, and it made her cry. She’s perfectly attractive, but not in an obvious way, which is what I want. I don’t want to abandon her, because she is a pillar of support that I truly need. She’s the first girl I ever fucked, and I’m the first guy she ever dated. She is 28 and I am 24. We have known each other for one year. Is it a bad idea to maintain a relationship with her while I pursue other women? Would it be better to end all contact? What is a man who is pathologically worried about being an asshole to do?
Must Remain Anonymous

So… you were a virgin at age 23 when you met this woman.

Hm.

I’m guessing you’re not all that conventionally attractive yourself, MRA. You’re attractive, of course, just not in a conventional sense. You’re attractive in the same way that ...

I’m a college freshman. I thought that college would be the place to come out, but the sad fact is that college hasn’t changed anything. I’m still unable to admit my sexuality to my friends, teammates, classmates, and hallmates. I have thought about joining the LGBT organizations, but those guys are too “out” for me. Not that there’s any problem with that. I just don’t think that being gay is anyone else’s business unless I want them to know. The hardest part is seeing other freshmen go out to parties, hook up, and date when I don’t have the opportunity to do so. I’ve resorted to going on Craigslist, but my encounters have been weird. What should I do?
Closeted Undergrad

You’re not required to disclose who you’re going out with, CU, or the gender of the folks you would like to go out with. But keeping your sexual orientation a secret indefinitely—not your sexual interests (which you can keep to yourself), but your sexual orientation—will ultimately warp your psyche and your life.Think about it from the other side: What would the straight guys on your team ...

I am an 18-year-old straight male. I have a hodgepodge of birth defects that affect my genitalia: severe hypospadias (my urethra—my piss slit—is at the base of my penis), micropenis (less than two inches), and anorchia (I was born without testes). I have never been naked around anyone else. I don’t really like being naked by myself, to be honest.

Lately, my sex drive has skyrocketed. It is driving me up the wall. Couple this with the fact that women see me as attractive, and I’m not doing well. It’s frustrating that sexual situations are presenting themselves to me and there’s nothing I can do. I’ve recently started college, and it’s endlessly frustrating to see my friends having relationships and being sexually active. I know that casual sex/flings will never be an option for me, but I am dying over here!
Messed Up Junk

“His story is one that is very familiar to us,” says Tiger Howard Devore, vice president of the Hypospadias and Epispadias Association (HEA). “He should know that he is not rare and many with his kind of genital difference have learned how to communicate about their difference ...

I am a 23-year-old female, sexually active for seven years, and I can’t reach climax. I am extremely frustrated. I have a wonderfully patient and helpful partner. He has tried hard to no avail. I can’t even get myself there. I feel like I am broken. My partner and I talk out anything that is bothering me, we try different things, but no matter what the situation, I can never reach orgasm. When I went off birth control, I brought up to my doctor that I had never had an orgasm, and she told me that female orgasms are largely a mental thing. She suggested I try using fantasy, which was not new to me.

Other than this, my partner and I have a healthy sex life. I don’t know what to do from here. I start to wonder if there is something wrong with me.
Frustrated Annoyed Person

“FAP certainly shouldn’t feel bad that she doesn’t have a handle on a phenomenon that even sex researchers don’t properly understand,” said Tracy Clark-Flory, who writes informed, fascinating, and sometimes hilarious pieces about sex, dating, and relationships for Salon.com. “In fact, she might be ...

I am a 22-year-old college grad who has been living at home for the last year. My parents are divorced, so I’ve gone back and forth from one place to the other. The other day, I was using my father’s computer, and the history came up on the search engine. It turns out that while I am in the house, my father views pornography that involves incest fantasies. I felt quite disturbed by what I saw—it made me physically sick—and I’m wondering if I should continue to have a relationship with my father.

In a week, I start a new job in another country—so I can get away from him for a while and think about my options. What should I do? Should I tell him that I know about it and I’m not interested in having a relationship with him anymore? Do I tell my friends or family? Should I trust what my gut is telling me and pack up, jump in a cab, and never talk to him again?
Disturbed And Distressed

There are people who are turned on by incest scenarios—hypothetical dads seducing hypothetical daughters, fictional moms seducing fictional ...

I am a 16-year-old female. I have been in a monogamous relationship with a boy for seven months. My first, his too. A couple of months in, we began to explore masturbating each other and oral sex. He has gone down on me three times, but I have never given him a blowjob. I’m scared to, because I’m scared he will be disappointed. We fight sometimes because he feels it’s unfair that he goes down on me and I don’t go down on him.

On top of this, he started doing something when we are in the midst of being sexual that I don’t understand. He will stick the tip of his hard penis just inside the opening to my vagina, again and again. I guess you could call it “probing.” I know enough to know that there’s a slight risk of pregnancy, as pre-come can get a woman pregnant, and he doesn’t wear a condom when he does this. We are planning on having complete vaginal intercourse in the next few months, with condoms and birth control, but this is happening now, and it worries me.

This is what I need advice ...

Dear readers: I’m on vacation. The questions and answers in this week’s column are three recent installments of the “Savage Love Letter Of The Day,” which folks with the SLAPP—the Savage Love app for iPhone or Android—receive daily via the miracle of modern technology. If you have the SLAPP, you’ve already read these questions and second-guessed my answers. Sorry about that. If you don’t have the SLAPP, you’re not getting your full weekly dose of Savage Love, and I’m sorry about that, too.

I have always been attracted to women. But I have had experiences with other males as well. All fondling. I have at times found the penis erotic, but it does not consume me. I enjoy women and prefer them in every respect. I get pegged, so to speak, as being gay quite a lot. I recognize why: I flirt with men. I like being nice and making people happy. I think some guys confuse my polite “I love everybody” hippie vibe for my being willing to suck their dicks.

I am a pretty boy, so perhaps this causes confusion. My eyes are feminine, I have long lashes, I make ...

I’m in a bad place. I have been in a monogamous marriage for 19 years and have two kids. At least I think we’re still monogamous. My husband is an avid reader of your column and loves to bring up the idea that it is perfectly normal to have outside sexual relationships with other people as long as you stay committed to your spouse.

Here’s the thing: We started our marriage saying that we would always be truthful and faithful to each other. He has changed and I haven’t. I’m GGG, he probably gets more blowjobs than most married men, and I love having sex with him. He is far less likely to initiate sex than I am (which makes me think he is spending time with someone else). If one partner decides that they need outside activity, regardless of how much sex they get at home, is it okay to go ahead and do that without informing the partner who they had previously made a monogamous commitment to? He thinks if my needs are being met, then I have nothing to complain about. My main need is for honesty, and it doesn’t feel ...

I’m unemployed in Oregon and trying to come up with simple ways to make rent. My dear wife and I would like your opinion on the legality of selling my teenage son’s sweaty gym clothes online. It sounds rather skeezy, I realize, and I’m only half-joking here. If we had a nonsexual website with pictures that weren’t necessarily of my son, would that be buffer enough? Would this be seen as me whoring out the boy? He’s up for it—as long as he gets his cut—but could I go to jail for this? He is 14.
Pimpin’ Out Real Teen’s Leftover, Acrid, Nasty Duds

Speaking parent-to-parent, PORTLAND, informing your 14-year-old son that there are perverts all over the Internet who would be willing to pay him for his sweaty gym clothes wasn’t the best idea. Whatever you ultimately decide to do with his sweaty jocks, shorts, and T-shirts—and I vote for tossing them in the wash—dangling the money your son could make catering to the desires of online pervs in front of him might inspire him to go into business for himself, whatever you decide to do. So keep ...

I went to Craigslist to look at the kinky shit people are into. And I found a picture of my sister. Her eyes are blurred out, but one pic is of her nude and one is of her giving head, and there’s a tattoo that’s unique to her and clearly visible. I’m 99 percent sure it’s her. The ad was from her boyfriend, looking for a “horsecock” to stretch her pussy while he sits in the next room. It’s her business, but it’s a mindfuck. I half want to call her out, shame her out of it. She just turned 22.
Sister Pics Dilemma

Your sister is an adult, SPD, and adults are free to post what they like to CL, and adult females are free to stick whatever they like—mancock, horsecock, whatevercock—in their pussies. It’s hypocritical of you to enjoy the perversity on display at CL and then clutch your pearls in horror when you realize that someone you love—gasp!—is just as pervy as you are. So you’re not going to call your sister out or shame her.

But you are going to say something to her ...

I’m a 23-year-old male who has never been in a relationship. I have had many crushes, but never the courage to go ask anyone out. I dread rejection. Compounding this problem: I might be bisexual. I’m afraid to reveal this to anyone. Some girls might be okay with it at first, but they are likely to leave me later for fear that I could actually be gay—and those are the girls who would even consider dating a bisexual guy in the first place.

I’ve wasted 23 years of my life because of my fear of being rejected—by everyone, including my conservative family. Any advice?
Hopefully Not Hopeless

Buck up, HNH.

Most people don’t start dating until their late teens, HNH, so you haven’t wasted 23 years. You’ve wasted five or six years—eight on the outside. And your “wasted years” weren’t entirely wasted, were they? Presumably you were doing something more than pining away and jerking it between 15 and 23—you were getting an education, seeing a movie now and then, having a decent meal once in a while, etc.

Overcoming your paralyzing fear of rejection is something for which ...

Hey, everybody: two things…

First: Last week, the GOP officially “denounced” me. Because the nation is at peace, Americans are going back to work, and the climate situation is completely under control—so hey, why not go after the gay dude who writes that smutty sex column and gives Rick Santorum fits?

Second: Last week, a Savage Love reader denounced me for failing to devote any recent column inches to my readers’ titillating anecdotes. As I hate disappointing a reader, I invited folks to send in their dirty/sexy vacation stories. Here’s the best of the bunch.

I was 15 and on vacation in Cape Cod. Beaches never did anything for me, so I excused myself to go back to the hotel. On my way, I ran into another teenager, a girl. I struck up a conversation and was surprised to hear her answer in a British accent. Like myself, she was bored as hell. I invited her to my hotel room to get high. I make my move, which she goes along with. We’re both naked when I get an awful idea that would make any sane and sober girl run screaming for the hills. Being young ...

When I was 14, my parents informed me that I had a half-brother. He was my father’s son by another woman. My parents were already married when my brother was born, but I hadn’t come along yet. It was a huge scandal when it happened. My half-brother came to live with us after his mother died. He was 16. My half-brother got me pregnant. He didn’t rape me; I wanted to have sex with him. Everyone in the family found out—huge scandal number two—and it took me years to get over it and stop blaming myself.

Now I’m 26 and engaged. What do I tell my fiancé? My parents wound up divorcing—my mother called the police on my half-brother and tried to physically prevent me from getting an abortion—and I don’t speak to her anymore. But my father and brother are still in my life.

I get panic attacks when I think about having to tell my fiancé about any of this, Dan, because I don’t want him to see me as sick. But if I don’t tell him, he’ll hear about it from someone else. What do ...

You probably get this question every day. I’m a man who loves it when my girlfriend fucks me with a strap-on. Another great thing: My girlfriend ejaculates frequently and plentifully when we have sex, and she has done so when she’s pegging me. Which leads to my question: What are the possible issues from getting female ejaculate in your ass? I am thinking about modifying a toy in a way that might enable her to squirt up my ass. It probably won’t work, but I am going to try. Because if it does work…
Oh My Fucking God

I get questions about female ejaculation every day—where does that shit come from? How the hell can I/my girlfriend learn to do that shit? Is that shit really piss?—but you’re the first person to ask me about modifying a sex toy so as to enable a woman to come in a man’s ass. (You’re going to want to patent that thing if it works, OMFG.)

Allow me to quickly dispense with the usual questions: It comes shooting out of a woman’s urethra; practice, practice, practice; that shit isn’t piss. How do ...