I’m a smart, professional woman in my mid-30s who dates the same. I also happen to use a wheelchair; I was diagnosed shortly after my first birthday with a motor-neuron disease. I have about as much physical strength as a quadriplegic, but I have full sensation. (Boy howdy, do I!) I am careful about who I date because of my physical dependence on the people around me. I am also wary of folks who call themselves “devotees.” These are individuals with disability-related fetishes. They gravitate toward amputees, but some are attracted to women in chairs. I’m not sure what about this bothers me so much; I suppose it feels reductionist, and I’ve spent my adult life becoming more than a girl in a chair.
I’m sure you can see where this is going. I started dating a lovely, successful, witty, beautiful woman a little more than a year ago. As time progressed, it became clear that we were sexually compatible. Things have been great. At the eight-month point, I told my BFF that this might be “the one.” At the nine-month point, she confessed to being a devotee. I was crushed. But I trusted her, as ...
I’m a straight guy and I’m really into having my balls sucked—it’s one of my favorite things, and just thinking about it turns me on. But whenever I’ve had my balls sucked, it hurts, and ball pain is not a kink of mine! It hurts enough to override any pleasure, and I have to tell my partner to stop. Is this normal? Does ball-sucking hurt for everyone? Is there something I can do to make it less painful?
She Can’t Roughly Osculate Trouser Eggs
The next time you find yourself in an argument with a proponent of “intelligent design,” SCROTE, lay this one on ’em…
There’s this muscle called the cremaster that attaches a man’s balls to his abdominal muscles. When a man is cold, the cremaster contracts, lifting his balls toward his body so those little darlings stay nice and warm; when he’s hot, the cremaster relaxes, dropping his balls away from his body, keeping the little darlings cool. Putting this in language the average “intelligent design” proponent can understand: Your cremaster is Goldilocks and your nuts are a delicious-looking bowl of sperm-cell porridge. Cremasterlocks doesn’t like sperm-cell porridge ...
My younger brother and I are close. He came out of the closet last year, although it wasn’t much of a surprise, because everyone knew he was gay since forever. Everyone is happy he’s out because it kind of takes the elephant out of the room, and our immediate and extended family are all really supportive. But for the last six to nine months or so, he’s been really depressed about not ever having had a boyfriend. He’s 21, and he’s always talking about how he wants to find a boy to be with in a relationship, and not just for sex, but he says it’s impossible for him to meet said boy.
Me being straight, the only advice I’ve ever been able to give him is to just try new things and that way you’ll meet new people, as really that’s the only advice you can give someone who’s looking to meet a potential partner. My brother, however, framed his issue to me in a way I’ve never really thought of—which is that only a small fraction of the population is gay, and an even smaller fraction ...
Is it normal for my man to be so attracted to boobs that even though mine are beautiful and perfect, my boyfriend still wants to look at every other woman with a set of big boobs that he can? Aren’t mine enough?
Boyfriend Ogles Other Breasts
You sound like a new reader, BOOB, so before we get to the advice, I wanna welcome you to the Savage Love family. With that out of the way…
Nope, yours aren’t enough.
Yep, it’s normal for a straight man to look at women’s boobs—boobs on the woman he’s with, boobs on women he’s not with, boobs on women who don’t technically exist and can’t be gotten with, e.g., Veronica Lodge, Lara Croft, Nicki Minaj. Did you think checking out boobs was a symptom of leukemia or something? And while your set may be practically perfect in every way—which would make you the Mary Poppins of boobs—your man is still gonna check out other women’s sets.
But your man shouldn’t be a dick about it. While it’s perfectly normal for a partnered straight guy to check out other women ...
I’m a 28-year-old guy who was broken up with via text by a girl I had been dating for two months. She is dealing with the loss of a family member and some other personal issues, and she sent me this message while out of state for a week or so. Two months is a short time, I realize, and we never discussed the nature of our arrangement. But we spent a few nights a week together and agreed that we had something special. We had a chemistry that I haven’t experienced in my last few relationships. How much respect do you maintain/lose based on something like this? Would you characterize this short-term-dating text-message dumping as spineless, flaky, a reasonable reaction to the issues she’s facing, or what? What are the standards of a classy exit in the digital age?
Scumbag Move, Savage?
When I listen to someone complaining about how he was dumped, SMS, what I often hear is someone complaining that he was dumped. Finding fault with how—reading some previously undetected character flaw into the method your ex employed to dump you—is often the ego acting in its own self-defense. You’re ...
Could you tell my boy to calm the heck down? Can’t seem to get him to get the difference between bestiality, necrophilia, and screwin’ a bearskin rug. Emphasizing my usual sexual interests—which involve rope bondage, floggin’, and an e-stim unit—hasn’t worked. Logic isn’t helpin’ out at all. Maybe you can help?
I’m a gay man and a hunter; he’s a gay boy and a vegan. But he likes how I look in my camo, holding a rifle, so it works. Last fall, I went to Idaho and shot a black bear and a 13-point buck. A taxidermist mounted the buck’s head, which hangs above my bed, and made the bear into a rug. Most people don’t know this, but the head on a bearskin rug is entirely fake except for the fur. The skull, teeth, and tongue are plastic, and the eyes are glass. That bear’s hardly a bear, if you catch me.
So we got the rug, and he liked it. Even wanted me to screw him spread-eagle on that rug—until he walked in while I was doing it with the bear. I rigged up the mouth with ...
I’m a straight male from Southern California and I really want to be a straight male escort. The problem is, the industry is shrouded with deceptive “agencies” that take advantage of the situation. Also, it’s not like there’s a Male Escort 101 course that I can take to learn how to avoid these traps. I don’t know if you can help, but I really want to get into this industry, hopefully through a reputable agency. Do you have any advice, can you put me in touch with any male escorts (preferably straight ones) so I can pick their brains, and do you know of a reputable agency in my area?
Seeking The Upright Deal
“There is no gigolo industry,” says Dominick, the former escort who writes Ask Dominick, an advice column for male escorts and male-escort wannabes at Rentboy.com, a gay-escort listings site. While Dominick’s column focuses on issues that gay escorts confront, STUD, it’s the “Male Escort 101” course you’ve been looking for.
“What STUD is seeking is a fantasy—one that has been fueled by cultural products like American Gigolo and HBO’s Hung,” says Dominick. There are no reputable ...
I’m a 17-year-old girl, and in most aspects, I’m confident with myself, my identity, and my body. Earlier this year, I met a girl. She had some serious drama at home and needed to get out of her house, so I let her stay at mine. Things went a LOT further than I was ready for. I had just had my first kiss the month before, and I didn’t feel like our relationship was ready for sex, but I went along with it because she never gave me a chance to slow things down or say no.
My feelings for her are gone; she is attractive, but we don’t connect. But she has feelings for me. How can I get her to understand, or at least respect, how I feel if she doesn’t understand why this was a big deal for me?
Growing Older Youth
There’s a movement in sex-ed circles to replace the old opt-out consent mantra, “No means no,” with a new, improved opt-in consent mantra, “Yes means yes.” YMY says it’s not good enough to wait for the other person to stop the action with a “no,” which many people ...
I work in an office tower in downtown Seattle. From time to time, I go to a bathroom on a mostly deserted floor, go into a stall, and rub out a quick one. Usually, no one comes in.
Today, just as I was blowing a load into a handful of TP, someone came into the bathroom. This person walked up to the stall and stared through the door crack. This person stood there for a second before walking over to the urinal. He finished and left. I flushed and washed my hands and left. A security guard came around the corner while I was waiting for the elevator. He rode the elevator down with me but said nothing. At the lobby, I got in the elevator that takes me back to my floor. As the door closed, I heard someone say, “See that guy?”
I am paranoid that security is going to confront me. But have I done anything illegal? I may have exercised poor judgment and been squicky, but is it illegal to masturbate in a closed bathroom stall on private property?
Suddenly Pensive About Noontime Kicks
It isn’t, SPANK, at least not in Seattle.
“There is an ...
I am a 26-year-old straight guy. My straightness and guyness are recent revelations, and it feels amazing to be able to confidently state this. Here is my trouble: I’ve had gender issues for the past five years. My now ex-girlfriend of three years said she couldn’t be with me anymore due to these issues. Our breakup was a result of my apathy in the bedroom, which was tied to my gender issues, and her fears of me transitioning into a woman. I can see now that my insecurities about myself caused me to be a selfish partner in many ways, but mainly in the bedroom. I now realize I was allowing my sexual kinks to get the best of me. I get very turned on by the idea of giving head to a guy, but in reality, it is not something that I enjoy. I also find lingerie to be very arousing. I allowed myself to focus so heavily on those aspects of my sexuality that I became insecure in my masculinity inside and outside of the bedroom. I also ended up ignoring the majority of my sexual desires as a result of my insecurity in my gender ...
I am a straight 29-year-old guy and I’ve been into ball-busting—having my balls kicked and stomped—since I was 14. The fucked-up thing is, I only enjoy getting my balls busted by other guys. I’ve been hit in the balls by girls, and it doesn’t do anything for me. I thought I might be bisexual, since I want guys to kick me in the balls, but I don’t get turned on by the idea of sucking cock or getting fucked by a guy. Only ball-busting with a guy turns me on.
I’ve tried getting busted by girls, watching videos of girls kicking men in the balls, etc., but I never even get hard from it. Sometimes I can see a good-looking guy on the street, and I’ll get hard just thinking about his feet kicking my balls. In fact, while sitting here writing this question to you, I’m hard because you’re a good-looking guy and I’d love to have you kick my balls.
In my current relationship, I’ve snuck out and met with guys I’ve found online to have my balls busted. It feels like I’m leading ...
Is it possible for a hookup to turn into a relationship?
Hoping One Person Enters
A hookup is a relationship, HOPE. It may be a short-term relationship, but it’s a relationship regardless.
And yes, a short-term hookup can turn into a long-term relationship, HOPE, but not if you’re treating your hookups like shit (because they’re only hookups!), and not if you’re willing to let the people you hook up with treat you like shit (because you’re only a hookup). Treat your hookups like people you might actually see again—like human beings with human feelings, not just human holes and/or poles—and you might actually see them again.
You might even wind up in a long-term relationship.
Now, sometimes people hook up with strangers precisely because they wanna have sex with someone they don’t know and don’t expect to see again. And that’s not always a bad idea: Having sex with someone who you don’t expect to see again can be very liberating. A girl who can’t let herself go with a guy she’s dating—maybe she fears being slut- or nympho-shamed by a boyfriend—will grind the ...
I’m gay and a junior in high school, and I’ve had a boyfriend for a year. (He’s one year older than me, Dan, so relax!) We are out to our parents and everyone is supportive. We are not bullied or suicidal or using drugs. But we are frustrated! We had sex education in our schools, but they didn’t cover gay sex. (Big surprise!) I tried to talk to my mom about gay sex, and all she said was “please use condoms.” We tried and we used condoms, but I think we must be doing something wrong, because we can’t do it. We are ready to start having real gay sex—with me on the bottom, at least for now!—and we are frustrated and feel like failures as gay men. Any advice?
Tell Us Something Helpful
P.S. Do we really need to use condoms? We are both virgins and each other’s first boyfriend.
You and your boyfriend aren’t failing gayness, TUSH.
Gay men and boys can be successes in life, in love, and in the sack without acing—or even enjoying—anal intercourse. Anal doesn’t define you as gay men, and ...
My fiancé and I have been together for six years. We’re both 27. About a year ago, he admitted to me that he is bi—which I was surprised about. I told him that I was bi-curious. We have had talks about meeting with other couples. I am very insecure. I have been with very few men and no women (beyond kissing). Today, he told me that a few weeks ago he signed us up on a personals website and posted a picture of me naked from the waist down on the site. I was shocked and upset. I have NEVER posted nude pics of myself anywhere! I felt this was a violation of my privacy. He says that I wasn’t actively doing anything about getting outside partners, so he wanted to show me that I’m attractive and that other people thought so. He got angry when I tried to explain why I was upset. He said that if this is how I’m going to react, he’d take the whole thing down. When I tried again to explain that I was hurt that he didn’t talk to me first and I actually did want ...
I have an awesome relationship with an awesome guy. He loves me and takes care of me. I’m GGG and he’s vanilla. I only draw the line at poop, animals, and children. But he’s never asked me for anything other than vanilla sex. Which is why I don’t know what to do. I went downstairs late the other night, and he was sitting on the couch masturbating while stroking the cat, which was sitting on his chest. The cat was sitting ON him, Dan, WHILE he was yanking himself. I don’t know if he saw me. I went right back upstairs and went to bed. In the morning, he acted like nothing happened. Now I don’t know what to do. Confront him? Get him help? Get rid of the cat?
Can’t Analyze This
Pets want to be petted, and some pets are pushy about getting their pet on. Bearing that in mind, CAT, I want you to pick the two likeliest scenarios out of these four options:
A. Your boyfriend is attracted to your cat.
B. Your awesome boyfriend—unlike so many other boyfriends—is capable of doing two things at once.