The A.V. Club - Savage Love

Features: Savage Love: June 12, 2013

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I’m a 27-year-old bisexual chick who just moved in with my girlfriend of 10 months. I love her very much, and this is a great relationship—hot sex, laughs, good conversation. Here’s the thing: I like to smoke pot, and pot makes her very uncomfortable. We’ve talked about it a lot—you know how dykes are—and I’ve been up front with her from the beginning. I’m responsible and successful, and I don’t smoke that often. But I don’t like feeling guilty. I’m afraid we’re reaching an impasse on this issue ...

Features: Savage Love: June 5, 2013

Wed, 05 Jun 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I love my husband of 20 years, but our sexual differences are putting a strain on our marriage. Ten years ago, he asked me to talk dirty to him about having sex with other men. It has progressed to him wanting to be a cuckold. I only want to be with him, but he presses the issue by verbalizing cuckold situations during sex. This makes me close my eyes and shut down. By the time he is done, I have no desire to orgasm because I no longer feel attractive. Worse, I feel like I am not enough for him ...

Features: Savage Love: May 29, 2013

Wed, 29 May 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I’m seeing an amazing guy who I met doing sex work—as in, he was paying me for straight-up sex. It’s not a Pretty Woman situation. He’s my age and not wealthy, and I’m too old for that anyway. We share a lot of geeky interests and have a great connection, and the sex is awesome. When I was seeing him for pay, I would think, “I would totally date this guy.” We transitioned to friends-with-benefits several months back. Then some “I love yous” were exchanged, and now we are in a monogamous relationship. For context ...

Features: Savage Love: May 22, 2013

Wed, 22 May 2013 00:00:00 -0500

Twenty-one-year-old female here. When we were both 14, my first boyfriend took advantage of me. I wanted to explore my sexuality a little, but things went further than I wanted. One day, we were kissing with him on top of me. We were both fully clothed, and he started rubbing up against me. I didn’t realize he was dry-humping me until after he had to leave to clean himself up. He never asked for my permission. Once I understood what had happened, I felt violated. He’d also groped my boobs on another occasion without asking. He broke up ...

Features: Savage Love: May 15, 2013

Wed, 15 May 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I have a mentally disabled cousin who I haven’t figured out how to help. He’s lived for more than 40 years in the same nursing home in a small, conservative town. His mental age is about 8, there are other mental-illness issues, and he has some physical problems. He is now in his late 60s. He has always enjoyed dressing up as a woman, but given that he’s in a Christian nursing home, he must keep it fairly secret. He doesn’t want to move from his home of so many years. He periodically calls me to ...

Features: Savage Love: May 8, 2013

Wed, 08 May 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I’m a 24-year-old straight, married female. I have been religiously reading your column in The Portland Mercury since I was 16. Thank you for explaining things that my parents wouldn’t and for helping me clear the hurdles of adolescence! I turn to you now for advice. Five months ago, I married the man of my dreams. He was driven, hardworking, loving, and happy. We had amazing, cosmic, and connected sex, and we enjoyed pleasing each other. We have been together for a little over a year. I realize now that it was WAY too soon to get married ...

Features: Savage Love: May 1, 2013

Wed, 01 May 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I am a 23-year-old straight male. My ex-girlfriend and I started dating in high school, when we were both 17, and continued dating until I broke up with her the summer after our freshman year in college because things felt too serious. We continued to have sex, but I blocked out all my feelings for her, while she was open about still wanting to be with me. She started dating someone else sophomore year. I realized then that I still wanted to be with her, and I broke down emotionally and made both our lives difficult while she was dating ...

Features: Savage Love: April 24, 2013

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 00:00:00 -0500

DEAR READERS: Last week was made of problems. The bombing of the Boston Marathon, the explosion that leveled a small town in Texas, the rising tide of anti-gay violence in France, the North Koreans being North Korean. And when I sat down to write this week’s column—while the manhunt was still under way for the second bomber in Boston—it occurred to me that the last thing the world needs right now is more problems. So instead of the usual sex problems, STI problems, CPOS problems, and DTMFA problems, this week I’m only running letters from people ...

Features: Savage Love: April 17, 2013

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I am uncircumcised, and the opening at the end of my foreskin is not large enough for the head of my penis to pass through. This means my foreskin doesn’t pull back when I get an erection. The Internet says this is a condition called “phimosis,” and a lot of medical websites recommend circumcision. I’m not super-excited by that idea. I don’t have any pain or difficulty with sex or urination, and I’ve never had any health problems related to being uncircumcised. The foreskin isn’t stuck or fused to the glans—the hole is just ...

Features: Savage Love: April 10, 2013

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I’m a gay man who has been seeing a devout Christian gay guy for one year. We have a great relationship. We have many of the same interests and respect each other’s feelings and beliefs. However, I am a Catholic who is not that religious, and he is an Orthodox Christian. Some of his friends oppose gay marriage and think that being gay is immoral, and they are against our relationship. Since I am not a devout Christian, his friends say we should not get married. Other friends say he should not be gay at all, and that ...

Features: Savage Love: April 3, 2013

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I am trying to understand some sexual fantasies I have. They involve having sex with a woman who has a penis. Sometimes I fantasize that my wife grew a penis. The fantasies started when we first tried pegging a few years ago. We recently had our first child, and can no longer find the time for such kinky sex. These transsexual fantasies have caused a large strain in our relationship, and I don’t understand why I am having them or what I should do about them. I do not want to engage in a relationship with another person, I ...

Features: Savage Love: March 27, 2013

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 00:00:00 -0500

My brother is 22 years old and mentally ill with social anxiety on the scale of agoraphobia (officially diagnosed). He’s made significant progress in the past few years, but he’s stuck on the fact that he’s a virgin and is convinced that he’s not going to make any real social progress until that’s no longer a fact. His particular problem makes it impossible to reason with him—he’s a little Asperger’s-y—and he is convinced that he will only be able to pursue a job, have a social life, and tackle other obstacles ...

Features: Savage Love: March 20, 2013

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 00:00:00 -0500

DEAR READERS: I’m off this week. To tide all of your hot and/or kinky and/or sore asses over, here’s a column I wrote 15 years ago. Some newer readers might’ve missed this column when it originally appeared—some of you who were still in grade school, diapers, or amniotic sacs back in 1998—so I’m rerunning it now because I still get questions about “gerbiling” on a daily basis. —Dan We were having a little office debate about “gerbiling.” How does it work? Do all gay men do this? Does Richard Gere? Does the ...

Features: Savage Love: March 13, 2013

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 00:00:00 -0500

I’m an actor in New York City. A lot of people think actors are whores, but last week I almost became one. I responded to a casting call for a film project called Sniff. The ad—on Playbill’s website—called for two male actors to film a short scene. The pay was $100 for a day’s work. I was emailed the scene to study. It starts with two male roommates chatting on a couch. The bigger, more muscular roommate confronts the smaller, scrawnier roommate about his obsession with socks. Two pages later, the smaller roommate is being ...

Features: Savage Love: March 6, 2013

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 00:00:00 -0600

My girlfriend and I read your column religiously, and I have you to thank for making me comfortable enough with my kinks to tell her about my interest in BDSM. She is very GGG and has indulged all my kinky fantasies and discovered some of her own. Our latest adventure has her locking up my dick in a CB-6000 male-chastity device. The play/sex has been super-fun so far, but we want to be aware of any health and safety concerns, specifically damage to my penis. We’ve had the device for almost a week, and I’ve been doing ...

Features: Savage Love: February 27, 2013

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 00:00:00 -0600

I am writing about a friend. By all appearances, he is straight. However, on more than one occasion, he has gotten drunk and tried to hook up with a transvestite or a person who could have been one. In one instance, he went to a club and was approached by a really masculine-seeming girl who proceeded to give him head. My friend, in his drunken state, reached into her pants and felt for a pussy only after she started giving him head. On a trip to Las Vegas, he drunkenly picked up someone who I was told looked like “Kevin ...

Features: Savage Love: February 20, 2013

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 00:00:00 -0600

A PROGRAMMING NOTE: I hosted a live taping of the Savage Lovecast in Seattle on Valentine’s Day, and it went great—thanks to all who came (especially to the five boys who left with butt plugs in their butts)—but I made the mistake of having a drink or five afterward, and I’m so fucking hungover right now that I shouldn’t be sitting upright, much less giving advice. But deadlines are deadlines. So here we go… I’m a 31-year-old genderqueer in Brooklyn with a large family on Long Island. My only sister got engaged 48 hours ...

Features: Savage Love: February 13, 2013

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 00:00:00 -0600

I’m a 37-year-old single father with a 14-year-old son. I’ve raised him on my own basically since birth, with help from some good friends and nearby family. Overall, he’s a good kid: gets decent grades, rarely gets in trouble. Our relationship isn’t perfect—I work a lot and he’s a teenager—but no major issues. Over the past year, however, I have become increasingly convinced that he is gay. I’ve found gay porn on his laptop (yes, I snoop; I pay the bill and I’m his dad), he’s shown zero interest in ...

Features: Savage Love: February 6, 2013

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 00:00:00 -0600

I’m a 27-year-old man in a two-year relationship with a 26-year-old woman. My last partner cheated and lied and did some unforgivable things. I wasn’t blameless—I stayed with her long after I realized it wasn’t working—but our relationship did unearth a kink. After I found out about her cheating, I got extremely turned on thinking about it. I never told her. Enter my next girlfriend. We were together a few months before I brought up my kink. She was very accommodating (dirty talk about her cheating, making up stories about cheating) and then, after some ...

Features: Savage Love: January 30, 2012

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 00:00:00 -0600

I’ve been a fan of your Savage Lovecast for a long time, but I had to write after hearing Marty Klein’s awesome talk about the fallacy of “sex addiction.” I am 27, and for most of my adult life, I have suffered from complete sexual dysfunction with partners. I was ashamed and thought I was too sexually screwed up to be with a partner because I’m kinky. (I have a fetish for tights and pantyhose.) I was also afraid to seek help out of fear of being labeled “abnormal” or “addicted to porn.” I managed to get ...