The A.V. Club - Savage Love

Features: Savage Love:November 18, 2009

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0600

I am a happily married, happily non-monogamous male. We are not wild swinger types. For us, it’s more about the fact that monogamy does not work than about nailing everything that walks by. Anyway, I have encountered an odd situation a few times now, and again last night, where I’ll be flirting with a potential fling and she knows I’m married, and she’s very interested. But when she finds out my marriage is non-monogamous, she suddenly backs out. Case in point, a coworker: We have been flirting since I started my new job a few months ...

Features: Savage Love:November 11, 2009

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0600

I am a 30-year-old woman, married for five years to a man eight years my senior. Lately I have become more aware that I am turned on by the idea of bondage, specifically men locked up in chastity devices. I am ashamed of myself, because it seems, well, pretty perverse and disturbed. My husband is a pretty dominant alpha-male type. I am a relatively dominant personality, but I’m a bit submissive around him in order to keep the peace, as he will not tolerate any disagreement in certain situations. So I am wondering: Is this new fetish springing from ...

Features: Savage Love:November 4, 2009

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:00:00 -0600

I’m a 20-year-old girl, and I’ve been dating my boyfriend, who is 23, for two years. From the get-go, he has known that I am bi, and like most straight guys, he’s happy to be with a girl who likes girls. The thing is, I am too shy to go out and hit on a girl. Getting a man was the easy part, but getting a girl who is willing to fuck around not only with me but also with my boyfriend is a daunting task. I encourage my boyfriend to talk to women since he is ...

Features: Savage Love:October 28, 2009

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

I’m a 67-year-old woman, almost 68, who has been married four times—once widowed (with three kids in their 40s who’ve turned out pretty well), divorced three times. I recently met someone online: 48, a wealthy, educated man with two boys, 12 and 14. He lives the cuckoldt lifestyle and is looking for a woman to marry who would participate and enjoy this with him. He says he “craves and needs” this lifestyle, and from what he’s said so far, the boys have been trained from an early age to also live this lifestyle and would require ...

Features: Savage Love:October 21, 2009

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

I’m a straight teenage male, but I can’t climax unless I am stimulating my anus or rectum. I use various objects like cucumbers. The reason I don’t buy a toy is that I live in a very religious household, and my parents would disown me if they found a sex toy in my room. I take a toilet plunger and wrap the handle with toilet paper and tissues. Then I take a plastic bag and put it over the top. After that, I wrap a rubber band around the bottom part of the bag so it can ...

Features: Savage Love:October 14, 2009

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 12:44:00 -0500

I’m a 25-year-old girl dating a 26-year-old guy. My boyfriend identifies as sexually submissive. He likes to be tied up, put in women’s underwear, and locked in a chastity device, and he has a strong urge to please. I hate the term, but I suppose you could call me a “feeder.” I am turned on by the idea of someone eating a lot of food, usually junk food, and putting on weight. It’s probably related, but I’m also a bit of a fitness nut—I’m the type of person who gets her cat health food ...

Features: Savage Love:October 7, 2009

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0500

My partner and I have a dilemma. We’re a straight couple. Our lives and finances are intertwined, and we are already essentially living as a married couple. Now we want to hold a ceremony with family and friends to make public the commitment we’ve already made privately. That said, we are in favor of marriage equality and are considering joining the marriage boycott (www.unmarried.org) until DOMA is repealed and every state allows gay marriage. Our friends and family say we should get married and fight for equality “from the other side of the fence.” On the ...

Features: Savage Love:September 30, 2009

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500

About a month ago, I got drunk and slept with my friend’s girlfriend. (He’s not my best friend, more of a second-tier friend.) We both swore never to tell anyone, and left it at that. Only problem is, we’ve been hanging out a lot lately and sending private messages to each other multiple times a day, but nothing physical. It’s progressed to the point that our mutual friends are starting to notice that there’s something going on between the lady and me. And, frankly, if someone I was dating were doing what she is doing ...

Features: Savage Love:September 23, 2009

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500

You are known far and wide as an arbiter of all aspects of sex and especially definitions of sex, so we are hoping you can give your definitive opinion on an interesting conundrum. My wife and I were recently regaling each other with anecdotes from our past, and she easily had the most interesting story: It seems that when she was a young woman in college, a fellow student invited her over for lunch. It turns out that he thought she was lunch. He quickly had her clothes off and was kissing her, although he was still dressed. Then he ...

Features: Savage Love:September 16, 2009

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500

My boyfriend and I have been living together for a year. He knows I am an insecure person when it comes to my body. I’m not overweight, I’ve been told my whole life how good-looking I am, and my boyfriend tells me he loves my body. We have an active and interesting sex life. Here is my problem: I get upset when he looks at porn. I never had a problem with porn until my previous boyfriend. (He preferred porn to sex.) I’ve been uncomfortable about porn ever since. I wish I could get over this. My ...

Features: Savage Love:September 9, 2009

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500

As a 43-year-old single gay guy, I recently had my first spanking experience, and am now feeling extreme guilt and self-loathing. I was in a very long-term vanilla relationship for most of my adult life and never got to experience anything remotely kinky, but I’ve had an interest in it. Long story short, I answered an online personal ad, went to this guy’s house, and let him paddle me (he had a lot of spanking equipment). I quickly blew and quickly left. There was no sex other than me jerking myself while getting hit. Now I feel just ...

Features: Savage Love:September 2, 2009

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:00:00 -0500

I love my boyfriend of three years, but I fucked up. We’ve had our ups and downs—he broke up with me for two months last summer because he said he was “young and needs to feel free”—but we’ve always worked through things. He is super supportive of me, and we’ve both really grown a lot as people together. But despite the affection and love, I just don’t feel wanted. I don’t feel like he wants to fuck my brains out like he used to. In fact, he rarely does, even when I try ...

Features: Savage Love:August 26, 2009

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0500

There was a letter in your column recently that must have been painful for you to receive. I refer to the letter signed God Hates You. I’m sure you’re no stranger to hate mail, being an openly gay sex-advice columnist, but I hope you get fan mail too. But just in case: I wanted you to know that your column means a lot to me, and I love your bluntness, openness, and honesty. It is comforting to see a pragmatic, funny, and, for the most part, compassionate voice in print nowadays, especially when it comes to something that ...

Features: Savage Love:August 19, 2009

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 00:01:00 -0500

I just turned 20 and have been out of the closet for a year. A lesbian friend wants to hook me up with her gay friend, let’s call him Kyle, a cute, fit boy who runs track and does theater. The issue is, he’s just 17 and starting his senior year in high school, while I am entering my junior year in college. The age of consent where we live is 16. I realize the age difference is not too big, but he is technically still a minor. I’m only mildly experienced (I’ve had just one ...

Features: Savage Love:August 12, 2009

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0500

Do you think post-op transgender people have any obligation to tell their lovers they were once the other sex? On The Fence Yes. I’m in my 40s and straight. My wife of nine years is no longer interested in sex. Period. She relents every few weeks, but it’s never enjoyable for either of us. As a result, I haven’t had a blowjob in about eight years, I can’t touch her beautiful tits, kissing is without tongue, and our rare sex is missionary and in the dark. I’m miserable. I believe she’s depressed. She refuses ...

Features: Savage Love:August 5, 2009

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0500

I met my girlfriend about three months ago on a social-networking website. The pictures made her look attractive and in shape. We texted each other nonstop for the first three months. This past weekend we met, and she didn’t look anything like her pictures. However, we did still have sex twice. I’m about to start my freshman year in college, and I realized upon returning from my orientation that I do not want to be tied down going into school. Breaking up with her will break her heart into pieces. I have no clue what I should do ...

Features: Savage Love:July 29, 2009

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0500

This question comes from a point of real frustration. I’m a 26-year-old straight guy. Due to my being overweight, awkward, and generally unable to attract women I’m actually interested in, I have only been sexually intimate with prostitutes and women of low caliber. I have never been able to sustain an erection during intercourse. I’ve climaxed during oral sex or handjobs. I’m not physically accustomed to getting off with anything but my hand. Worst of all, the intense fear of impotence has caused me to avoid sexual liaisons. When dating, I feel threatened by the expectation ...

Features: Savage Love:July 22, 2009

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0500

I’m a straight guy, and my first girl was very experienced—she was proud to say she’d been with at least 30 guys before me. When all was said and done, she said that I was the most well-endowed of any man she’d seen before. In all my subsequent experiences, the women I’ve been with have noted that I am a well-equipped dude, though none of them expected it. A couple of times, this fact has come up in conversation (that first lady made a point of passing this news on to friends), and most people ...

Features: Savage Love:July 15, 2009

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0500

You were recommended to me by an acquaintance familiar with your column and podcast. Lacking other resources at this particular moment, I have decided to write to you. I am a 20-year-old male, and as such have certain desires that almost all 20-year-old males have (desires of a sexual nature). However, I am deeply religious. Religion has been for me a source of strength in my times of weakness, a rock in the times of storm, and above all a home to return to when I have lost my path. In the teachings of my particular religion, to indulge the ...

Features: Savage Love:July 8, 2009

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 00:00:00 -0500

Here’s a hypothetical for you: You’ve been corresponding with a handsome young man who lives in Paris. You know him through a friend in France, and your friend has vetted him. He has offered to pay more than half of your airfare so that you can visit him in Paris. You’ve spoken to him on the phone, and hearing him speak to you in French makes your knees weak. On the one hand, you can’t really afford it—and although he’s agreed to help you pay, you feel guilty for accepting his help. You’re ...