3 Piston Asshammer
This week's most notable band name
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The development of ass-hammering technology seems to have stalled shortly after 1977, when a New Jersey schoolteacher working in his spare time patented a design for the Thrust-Panzer Ultra 9000. Competing inventors were quick to rip off the design, which unfortunately relied on a shoddy combination of Bakelite plastic components and a fire-prone electric motor, and the industry crumbled under a barrage of lawsuits. But the arrival of 3 Piston Asshammer may spark a renaissance in the field, taking it back to its greasy roots. Hailing from the former industrial hotbed of Rockford, Ill., this band seems content to deliver crusty, harsh poundings to any unsuspecting rears and ears, and happily chugs the primitive fossil fuels of rock: scuzzy blues-based guitar riffs, loudly battered drums, and drunk-and-angry “singing.” Their fumes may prove sweet to the self-destructive and too noxious for others at The Frequency’s Destroy All Christmas show this Saturday. Even if your ass doesn’t feel sore the next day, your brains will.
