Bleep, bloop, blorp: Madison’s best arcades for grown-ups

Staring at that pile of quarters, knowing that there’s laundry to be done or a car that needs vacuuming, there’s still that inescapable desire to sink those coins into a time-wasting arcade machine. Of course, Aladdin’s Castle long ago crumbled and Dave And Buster’s has thus far scorned the Madison area, leaving our city mercilessly deprived of arcades. But, after some searching, The A.V. Club has managed to dig up real deal arcade action—like the kind Droids Attack is assembling for its video shoot Aug. 26 at the Inferno. Maybe they’re not quite like the video-game havens of old, but at least they provide a glimmer of what once was and will help stave off the deep-vein thrombosis to which all that couch-bound X-Boxing can lead.

Tilt at East Towne Mall
Its name might mistakenly conjure images of a pinball emporium. But Tilt—a proper arcade tucked in by Steinhafels—is mostly bereft of pinball machines and filled out by a few Skee-Ball alleys, bulky simulation games, and classic uprights.
Game selection: Anyone looking to bust out some mega combos on a computer-controlled or human opponent will be pleased with a robust selection of fighting games, like Marvel Vs. Capcom, Capcom Vs. SNK 2, Tekken 5, and Soul Calibur 2. But if you’d rather tackle a game that’s roughly the size of a dorm room, The Lost World: Jurassic Park provides a cozy bench for wetting up some dinosaurs and even an awkward viewing window in the back for spectators to creep you out.
Best game: Although it’s set up for someone 4 feet tall, L.A. Machineguns provides an uncomplicated, fixed-motion shooter with a hulking weapon that shakes so ferociously that your trigger finger will actually ache afterward. It’s a fun, visceral experience even at 75 cents a pop.
Saddest game: Rapid River, a white-water rafting simulator with a mounted paddle, might qualify as the dumbest game in the place based on appearance alone. But, of course, you’re going to play it at least once.

Dream Lanes
Inside of Dream Lanes’ standard massive-bowling-alley layout is a Pizza Pit with a miniature version of a Chuck E. Cheese-style kids’ casino.
Game selection: Amidst the ticket-spitting skill games lies a small but well-chosen selection of arcade favorites. The resounding theme here seems to be shooting and driving, with Police Trainer and Silent Scope putting a gun in your hands, Cruis’n World urging you to get behind the wheel, and the oft-forgotten classic Lucky & Wild setting you and a buddy up to do both at once.
Best game: Gauntlet Legends maximizes the old-school fun by providing four joysticks so you and three friends can magically axe open a bunch of ghosts and goblins.
Saddest game: Really, the only tragedy that dwells here is knowing that your friends will purposefully throw your frames in the gutter if you get too caught up playing video games instead of bowling.

The Plaza Tavern
The Plaza, resting just off of State Street, has a reputation for super burgers smothered in secret Plaza sauce and a terrific, wood-paneled Sconnie bar experience.
Game selection: One of the first things that greet guests is a surprisingly smart bank of arcade machines, when a lot of taverns provide Golden Tee and nothing else. Stone-cold classics like Street Fight 2 and Ms. Pacman sit well with hilarious offerings like Lethal Enforcers and Simpsons pinball. Of course, it wouldn’t be a bar without some sort of trackball game, so there’s Power Putt miniature golf. More about precision than power, you won’t have to worry about violently jamming your fingers into the screen on the follow-through with this one.
Best game: A wonder to behold, the Plaza’s ancient table-top hockey machine stands out as a marvel of engineering and willing conduit for aggression, since the plastic bubble enclosure keeps the puck from sailing into someone’s pint no matter how hard you stick it.
Saddest game: Big Buck Hunter unjustly bares the supposed red flag of being “urbanite approved.” But really, all that means is that young people who probably lack the opportunity or desire to actually kill an animal enjoy the chance to pump a few digital rounds into a wild beast. Since the Plaza’s machine is the “World” version, there’s the added thrill of shooting some of the planet’s most exotic animals in the face.