Harvest of laziness: Have someone else cook Thanksgiving dinner

Even though it occurs only once a year, preparing Thanksgiving dinner demands so much time, patience, and sanity (not to mention it makes it look like a food bomb went off in your kitchen), that it leaves people screaming for a way out. Here's a cornucopia of alternatives The A.V. Club found in Madison, in case you're hoping to give thanks for someone else doing the cooking and cleaning this year.

Essen Haus (514 E. Wilson St., 608-255-4674)
Dinnertime: Nov. 26, 11 a.m.-7 p.m.; $15.95 per person, $6.95 for children 6-10, and free for children 5 and under. Reservations recommended.
The basics: The Essen Haus prides itself on serving a classic, family-style Thanksgiving dinner, which means no buffet. But if you bring at least seven people to your table, the Essen's lederhosen-clad pilgrims will bring you out a whole bird and send you home with the leftovers. Expect enough mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, cranberry, veggies, and pumpkin pie to build a plate as high as it is wide.
The extra mile: General manager Neale Hansen said the Essen Haus has been doing this for 27 years, "so we have some practice at it," he added. Plus, all those carbs will make for an unbelievable beer base. It might even be possible to put down one of the Essen Haus' giant "boots" of beer by yourself.

Cherokee Country Club (5000 N. Sherman Ave., 608-249-1000)
Dinnertime: Nov. 26, 11 a.m.-2 p.m.; $14.95 per person. Reservations are recommended.
The basics: Besides the traditional turkey, Cherokee will be slicing up roasted pork loin and slinging stuffing, mixed vegetables, cranberry sauce, and mashed regular and sweet potatoes. Even without little marshmallows on top of the sweet potatoes, the pumpkin cheesecake should be enough to maximize your sugar rush.
The extra mile: Though banquet coordinator Jeffrey Beck admits the photo of the Sequoya Room on their website is a little dated, dining in the auspicious setting will provide some nice views of the golf course, in case you don't like watching football.

Memorial Union (800 Langdon St., 608-265-3000)
Dinnertime: Takeout! Orders must be placed by Friday, Nov. 20 at 5 p.m., and can be picked up Wed., Nov. 25 from 12-6 p.m. on the second floor of the Union. Individual meals start at $9 and family-of-six meals run $99.
The basics: Make sure you have a way to heat this stuff up, because the Union's Thanksgiving is strictly for pickup the night before. Options include turkey, ham, or vegetarian for the lone thanks-giver and a whole turkey for a crew of six. All come with stuffing, potatoes, green beans, cranberries, and choice of pie (pumpkin, pecan, or fudge bottom). Those who like to personalize can get a 10- to 12-pound bird for $60 and round out the Thanksgiving bounty from the à la carte section featured on the order form.
The extra mile: Definitely the most economical option for a single-serving holiday feast, it also helps make being stuck in the dorms over break a little less of a bummer.

Madison Concourse Hotel (1 W. Dayton St., 608-294-3031)
Dinnertime: Nov. 26, 11 a.m.-4 p.m.; $35 per person, $10 for children 4-12. Reservations are recommended.
The basics: An absolute beast of a meal, the spread at the Concourse reads like a transcript from Top Chef, going beyond the turkey to offer things like maple-seared salmon and Greek lamb rolls. Equally exotic sides fill out the menu: clementine jicama, daikon radish salad, and balsamic glazed root vegetable nuggets, to name a few. In a turn of wording that will likely make the sweet tooth's imagination run wild, dessert is simply referred to as "dessert station."
The extra mile: Traditionalists be predestined to hell, as the Puritans would say: This feast offers gobs of exciting main courses and fresh takes on lots of the old standbys to please even the most discerning foodies.

Zander's Capitol Grill (118 State St., 608-280-9999)
Dinnertime: Nov. 26, 11 a.m.-6 p.m.; $14.95 per person, $3.95 for children 12 and under.
The basics: Zander's plans to serve both roasted and deep-fried turkey as well as sliced ham along side a buffet loaded with cornbread stuffing, garlic mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese. The salad bar might hold off your food coma long enough to sample some pumpkin pie, peach cobbler, or sweet potato pie for dessert. But it's a buffet, so you should probably just eat all three.
The extra mile: Zander's boasts plenty of TVs for watching the Packers post a laugher on the hapless Lions. Besides, it's probably best to leave the turkey deep-frying to a professional.