How to draw at Dr. Sketchy's

So, you’ve always wanted to learn how to draw but never had the time or the patience. Hell, you can’t even draw a straight line, but you’ve got big dreams, and that’s all that matters, right? Dr. Sketchy’s Anti-Art School thinks so. The Madison chapter of the burlesque-style life-drawing salon returns to the High Noon Saloon this Sunday, combining a little draftsmanship with informality, booze, and flamboyantly dressed, seductively posed models. (Sessions are also scheduled for Dec. 28 and Jan. 25.) With the help of the event’s new organizers (Nic Boehm, Michael Kerwin, and April Paradis) and a drop-dead-gorgeous model, Decider whipped up these handy tips for transforming a sorry soul into that of an artiste.

Come early, come often.
Learning to draw takes time and a lot of practice. “Avoid wasting time jockeying for a seat near the stage by getting to Dr. Sketchy’s at least a few minutes before it begins,” says Boehm. That way, you can “get a good angle” for your drawings—in other words, a stellar view of the model’s assets. Even the most clumsy-handed beginner should feel inspired in no time.

Turn your gawk into a gaze.
Now that you’re by the stage, don’t drool on it. Practice your inquisitive stare: Learn on your elbow, furrow one eyebrow, and nod from time to time. People will think you’re artistically inclined and overlook the fact that you’re a big, fat pervert.

Tip the models, stupid. And your bartender, too.
The ladies and gents who show the class their skivvies have got to eat and drink, Paradis reminds. Especially drink, and that ain’t cheap. If you want to have any chance with them, as an artist or otherwise, make sure their basic needs are fulfilled.

Impress others with the size of your easel, not your ego.
“Bring an easel to Dr. Sketchy’s if you’re really serious,” says Boehm. “Just try not to get too messy. If you do, you’re going to have to clean it up.”

Be a doll and have a sense of humor.
“When you model for Dr. Sketchy’s you have to have a sense of humor about your body, and it’s nice if other people do, too,” says Shane O’Neill, the glittery frontman of Screamin’ Cyn Cyn And The Pons, who posed for the event on Valentine’s Day. “For my last pose I was Venus, so I made myself this hairpiece with cotton and chicken wire that was actually really disturbing, and I think it horrified people,” he says. “But everyone was just like, ‘I thought your outfits were just super,’ which was so sweet and supportive. And classy. You always want an artist to be classy.”

If all else fails, resort to crayons.
Yep, there’s a remedial version of Dr. Sketchy’s that involves spicing up an existing drawing with your Crayolas. Smear it with a little blood or whiskey and voila: It's a masterpiece of modern art.